Archive: December 2003

This is the month I found out I have cancer. I suspected something was wrong with my digestive system, perhaps IBS, lactose intolerance, or something, but I had not counted on cancer...

While checking the prostate during my physical, Dr. Holmes, my family physician, discovered something hard in the bowel. He was very concerned about it and told me he was referring me to an endoscopy specialist. I was also told my cholesterol and blood pressure are high, and my sugar is also a bit on the high side.
X-rays were also taken.
Not sure what to make of it. Is this bad news in the making? Almost 54 years old and about to die? This sounds like a wake-up call...!

Received a call today for the appointment with Dr. Dennis Todoruk on the 11th. Dr. Holmes must have been really worried. I did not know the medical system could move this fast.

This has the makings of a roller-coaster ride, so I will be recording my mental state as the days progress.

On December 11th, 2003, I was diagnosed with colon cancer. The doctor who examined me, Dr. Todoruk at the Royal Alex, told me it was very serious, but fixable. The growth is about 2cm big (a bit less than 1 inch) but very low in the bowel. I think the proper term is colorectal cancer. The procedure used was a sigmoidoscopy.
Doing OK mentally. It's a wake-up call to be sure, but with God by my side, it may be a rough ride, but the battle will be won.
Bonus: the problem was found right away, no months of agonizing of what the problem could be.
Bonus: it can be fixed unlike some other diseases.

It's time for some drastic diet changes. I need to lower my weight and cholesterol and start reducing items that are bad for cancer, yet increase the "good" stuff.
I'm feeling very positive about these changes. Combined with more exercise, I should be in decent shape for the upcoming treatments.

My sister in Holland kicks her 30-year smoking habit. I guess the wake-up call was not just for me... My nephew had quit a few weeks earlier too, so the news is twice as good.

Saw the surgeon, Dr. Hugh Stewart, and he confirmed that because the cancer is so low in the bowel, I will end up with a colostomy bag. The first thing that will happen is a CAT (or CT) scan to see if the cancer has spread. He's concerned about the lymph nodes. After that, he figures a week of chemo therapy, then 5 weeks of daily radiation sessions, followed by another week of chemo. When my body has sufficiently recovered, the surgery will be done, removing the lower bowel as well as the anal muscle--effectively removing the rectum. I expect the appointment for the CAT scan on the 22nd.
No change in my attitude. So I won't be on a beach with my bag, no big deal. My only concern at the moment is "has the cancer spread?" I won't know that until after the CAT scan.
I am overwhelmed at the support I am getting, from work, friends, and neighbours.

Learned that my CT scan is tomorrow, the 24th.
I'm glad this is moving so fast. No time to get depressed...

The CT or CAT scan was done this morning. After drinking over 2 liters of contrasting agent that tasted like normal water, I was put on the movable table. Two series of images were taken, one without, and then one with an intravenous contrasting agent that would show up cancer cells in lymph nodes. The intravenous agent went through my body in seconds, making me feel hot from my neck to my tail bone. It's amazing how fast the heart pumps...
Cecile came along to our first visit to the Cross Cancer Institute. This is where I expect my treatments to take place.
It probably won't be until next week before I hear the results of the scan, and whether the cancer has spread.
Now it's waiting for the results. I pray the cancer has not spread anywhere else...
After the scan I went back to work, just in time for the Christmas cheer, hosted by senior management. Again I had my spirit lifted with the support of not just management, but other staff. I take my hat off to the "Northlands family" for their kindness and caring attitude to not just myself but my family too. Hugs and words of encouragement are for real, there is no pretense. Some people don't know what to say, and that's ok too.
Interesting email discussion with a friend in the NWT about beliefs and not beating around the bush. Hmmm, been doing that for too long...
Please pray with me that the cancer is contained to the single growth and has not spread.

I find I'm more tired than normal. I'm wondering if this is the stress of thinking about what's ahead, or the stress of dealing with daily issues... I found myself going to bed early, wondering if I wanted to be awake for tomorrow, or tired from yesterday's CAT scan...
A growing number of people have been asking for updates, so last night I sent out emails with a link to this page. I am overwhelmed and grateful for the responses. So many encouraging words. One message had a beautiful poem attached, called A Christmas Prayer. Thank you to all who responded!!!

My 54th birthday... Of course, there are thoughts like, "will this be my last birthday?" But then I have to backtrack and be thankful for today!
It was very nice to have my sons and their families over and also some very good friends. Hugs of friends and family are the best. Growing up, all this physical contact was not a guy thing, but I testify that some of the best hugs I get are from men. OK, ladies, there's a challenge. Seriously, I take anybody's hug. A hug is so comforting...
One of my visitors today alerted me to vitamin B17. This sounds very promising, but it's illegal in the USA. Vitamin B17 is harvested from apricot seeds, and I wonder how the FDA can outlaw a natural substance like this, unless they're handsomely paid to do so... ???
I am not tired today.

Had a nice sleep-in till 10AM. :)
Thinking back on yesterday's thought about hugs, and taking that back to physical contact in general, my parents were not physical at all. Perhaps I'm deprived in that sense, but Cecile can really make my day walking up behind me and giving me a shoulder or scalp massage. Too bad she does not do it often...

Quite uncomfortable "down there" where the cancer meets the body's exit point... And my back is aching too, I can explain my back ache with the cold weather. I wonder if cancer reacts to cold weather too, or if that discomfort is more pronounced due to my back's discomfort.
Feeling a bit down today. Cecile is trying to help a friend with a family crisis, and that takes me down a bit too, since I know the family.

Been taking it easy today. Went to Salisbury Greenhouses to buy some more paperwhites. Later watched "Roxanne" with Steve Martin.
Ralph stopped by for coffee, very nice, two old farts reminiscing about the (good) old days. but also sharing one's life experiences. Ralph shares my interest in photography, so he had to try the Nikon D100. Photo he took of me is attached.
Not heard from the "Cross" yet...

Went shopping for a wide-screen TV. If I'm going to be home a lot the next few months, I may as well occupy my mind and watch DVD's on a 42" rather than a 27" screen. And while I still have the energy to rearrange the living room, sooner is better. A 51" or 53" would be nice, but a bit big. I think I would get dizzy...
Thanks, Deanna, for your call. You have answered many questions that I did not even know to ask. Even the simple fact of taking a family member to all appointments is so common sense, yet I had not thought of it. You also gave me a sense of peace, a knowing that if things got really bad, you'd be there. I know that God is always with me, but He works through people like yourself. Even knowing how the colon is brought out and attached to the skin is comforting.
My back and right hip have been bothering me starting late evening. This would not be cancer that has spread, would it?
Still nothing from CCI...

My back and right hip have been bothering me since last night. This afternoon snow started, so I'm almost positive that the pain and the snow are related. Yet the pain is so intense that even my normal OTC painkillers barely take the edge off.
Attended the New Year's eve service at Bethel which was focused on healing. Thank you Corrie, for being part of our small prayer group at the end of the service.
Later we went over to Vincent's and had a nice relaxing evening, watching a movie, then the Edmonton fireworks on a local TV station to bring in the new year. I'm glad Vincent has such a nice sofa, I could just curl up in a corner and was relatively pain-free.