Archive: January 2005

Happy new year, everyone! The first couple of days of 2005 have been pretty quiet. The weather has been snowy and cold (down to -30? Celsius or -22? Fahrenheit).

Got a letter from the Cross Cancer Institute today, outlining follow-up tests:

• colonoscopy within one year of surgery (if clean then every 3 to 5 years; if polyps found, repeat every year)
• CEA blood test every 3 months for 3 years after surgery
• CT scans 1 and 2 years after diagnosis

I was under the impression that tests were to be done on an annual basis. This looks like a different plan to me. Oh well...

Yesterday I went back to work full-time, and while I was a bit apprehensive it was not as bad as I thought. The hardest part is getting into a "start of day" routine. I was quite tired when I got home, but a good nap helped. Went to bed earlier than normal, to get a good night's rest.

What a fresh morning we're having: -33?C (that's -27? Fahrenheit). Fortunately the winds are light. This arctic cold system shows no signs of moving yet.
Work is exhausting... I underestimated going back full-time. I thought it would help getting into a regular routine, but I forgot that I don't have a routine job...

This has been quite the week. Monday and Tuesday were the worst, but Friday was extraordinarily busy. Four meetings, three of which sequential. Wasn't in the office much...
I'm trying to figure out the cause of my fatigue. It can't be physical, so it must be mental. Perhaps it is having to have to pay attention to so many things at the same time?
There have been times this week that I was ready to throw in the towel, but I'm glad I haven't yet. I know it's a year to recover from the operation, and up to three years to recover from the chemo/radiation, but I'm not prepared to sit at home that long.

Tonight was a great experience. We had the whole management team together in the AgriCom kitchen (we can feed a few thousand out of that kitchen), cook a southern style meal together (under supervision of a professional chef) and then eat together. This was not a mickey mouse meal. There was salad with pomegranate vinaigrette, jambalaya with rice, gumbo, Cajun cornbread, and for desert bread pudding with espresso caramel sauce. Chef Brad made sure we stayed with the program, but it was up to us to do the cooking. Afterward we just kept talking, joking around, telling stories and trying to figure out Ken's party tricks. Good thing there was no lamb on the menu, considering the sheep jokes... :-)
All in all, an evening worth repeating.

Well, I paid for the spicy food yesterday with an irritated stoma and diarrhea. Woke up at 3:30 this morning and did not go back to bed until 6am. I hope I sleep better tonight...

I've taken Friday (tomorrow) off. I need a 3-day weekend to recover from the first three days this week. Yesterday I was up at 5am and did not go back to bed. This morning it was 6:15 but my alarm was set for 6:30 so that was not so bad. Still, I'll get up workday time tomorrow (if nothing goes wrong) so I don't get out of the routine I'm trying to establish. I will probably have a nap in the afternoon.

"Dying is..." is the name of a blog that was sent to me today. "Soon, I will be dead. I have a recalcitrant tumour in the neck, and it's a real pain. It's given me plenty of time to prepare for my death, and now it's finally going for the kill. I am completely powerless in the face of it. My only option is to flee to my mind, where I have so, so much to say and tell... but I have no one to tell it to. This is the loneliness of death." writes Grace Chow. Grace passed away December 6, 2004. In my opinion, Grace was a brave lady, yet I am saddened that she was not a Christian. THAT is the loneliness of death...

Check Grace's blog.

Week 3 started off rough. Had an accident after I had gone to bed Sunday night. After cleaning up and changing the ostomy equipment and settling down, it was 3:30 Monday morning before I went to bed again. Got to work late with a headache that got worse as the day went on. Left early to go home and take painkillers. From there, the week got better, until by Friday I felt really good. Still tired every day when I get home, but that seems to be par for the course.

Somebody mentioned a while ago that when I write about my experiences, it is so definitive with hardly room for discussion. Please understand that I write about MY experience only. Even people with the same treatment plan and the same operations and the same colostomy, can have a totally different experience.

Today felt like spring. I was about 6 degrees Celsius with snow melting all over the place. Last night the snow plough and bobcat were working hard to clear snow and ice from the road through our condo complex, which left some ice chunks pushed on our driveway. Pushing those chunks back on the road in 6 degree weather was a welcome exercise. No coat was needed as there was no wind. And as the days get longer (5PM and still sunshine) there is less of that winter depression feeling. Don't know about you, but I love long days with lots of sunshine.
Did something stupid this afternoon. Put a frying pan in the oven, took it out with oven mitts, but five minutes later I grabbed the handle and now I have blisters on three fingers... Doh...