Selection: Cancer

I was encouraged to post my cancer posts from this blog as a pdf that can be read in chronological order.

"This is the personal diary of myself, Gerry Danen, and how I dealt with colon cancer, treatment, and recovery.
If you are a cancer patient, or have family or friends with cancer, this candid diary may give you some insights into what happens not just to the body, but also to the mind of someone faced with this challenge. Most of all, I pray these words will give you hope.
The account runs from December 2003 to March 2008, from diagnosis to final test."

Download the 600KB pdf file from medical.gerrydanen.com.

Test results were negative, which means GOOD!

On with the rest of my life! 

Just finished a Fecal Occult Blood Test as part of a new checkup regimen. Being on a diet for over a week, and taking poop samples is so much fun.

I just hope the results are good... My first for such a test...

Had my final 3-month CEA test and the score was below 0.5... The lowest is has ever been!  Feels great.

Initially, I understood the cancer that was removed was FIVE kilograms. Then thought perhaps it might be 5 lbs. Today it was confirmed that it was indeed 5 kg, 11 lbs. The tumour had pushed the stomach and the intestines out of the way, causing constipation and inability to eat much.

Imagine 11 lbs and compare that to a newborn baby... 

Just heard from Joy that Gay is safely in post-op. No complications. They were able to remove the tumour intact without need to remove a kidney or the colon. She won't need a stoma after all. Isn't that fantastic? Another cancer beaten. If my leg muscles were not so sore, I would jump for joy.

Thank you so much for your prayers, also on behalf of Joy.

Gay is getting operated on today in Melbourne, Australia. Over there it is the 18th already, early morning...

Prayer has been requested on her behalf. 

Went to see the doctor today about the results of my cancer test, and all was still perfect. 0.6 is the regular score.

Also had my hip joints xrayed and they "did not look bad" according to my GP. He will read the radiologist's report before deciding on a course of action, but cortisone is a definite possibility. A little pain for a lot of gain.

Met a new friend, also a cancer survivor, via webshots.

Joy lives in Malaysia, and has taken treatment in Melbourne, Australia. So very good to meet you, Joy.

Interesting article in the October Ostomy Newsletter about this rather intimate topic. Skip if it does not apply...

Via: Greater Cincinnati, Metro MD & Vancouver Ostomy High Life
Way back before surgery, did you go to the bathroom after a hot cup of coffee, milk, cold juice, whiskey or beer? Well, whatever made you feel that need then can make you feel the need now. Check it out. See if your irrigation can be helped by some of the things you used to do. Of course, if you have had your colostomy for a number of years, your previous habits may not be the same now. Your body can, however, be trained as it was before, and you can adapt yourself to certain habits which can help you to be in control. A glass of hot water or juice, or a cup of coffee before a morning irrigation may initiate gut reaction. Also, a glass or two of water, after the water return starts, is usually helpful. If you irrigate before going to bed, a glass of ice water or a cup of hot coffee should get you started. If you have not drunk much water during the day, it would be wise to drink an extra glass or two to make sure your tissues will not absorb so much, or you may be left with little or no return. But what if you don’t irrigate? Part of the difficulty in elimination of waste matter experienced by colostomates is due to lack of bulk in the diet. Consumption of white bread, pastry and highly refined foods does not provide the roughage and bulk necessary for proper evacuation of the colon. The deficiency can be overcome in part by the simple addition of bran to the diet. Bran can be made into muffins adding raisins and molasses to taste. Diet. There is no such thing as a colostomy diet. A colostomy is not an illness, so try to eat the same foods you have eaten and enjoyed in the past. If you are on a diet for a condition such as diabetes or high blood pressure, of course you should stay on that diet. Foods can be acidic or alkaline, bland or spicy, laxative-like or constipating. Individuals react differently to food. Try to return to your former, normal diet. Those foods which disagreed with you in the past may still do so. Chew well and see the effect of each food on your colostomy output. To maintain good health, the body requires carbohydrates, proteins, fat, minerals and vitamins. Water is not nutritious but is absolutely necessary. Having a balanced diet is a fitting way to maintain good nutrition and keep bowel activity normal. Every day your body needs meats or fish, dairy foods, vegetables and fruits, cereals and bread, and liquids. Talk to your physician or ET nurse if you have problems. 

My friend Phil found this and passed it on to me. I am going to try to make a digest version of the article, as I believe this could indeed be a breakthrough.

A Sydney scientist has created a world-first test which could save or extend the lives of cancer patients by drastically reducing the trauma of chemotherapy.

The test uses a dye to determine whether cancer cells are being destroyed, allowing for rapid changes in treatment.

Professor Philip Hogg has developed a family of molecules which attach themselves to dying or dead cancer cells, allowing doctors to determine if a particular course of treatment is working within 24 hours of the first dose.

Patients receiving chemotherapy or radiotherapy now have to undergo a full cycle of treatment before doctors can determine whether the tumour has been reduced or has grown.

"Chemotherapy has three outcomes - the tumour is reduced, stays the same, or it grows and spreads - but we have no way of knowing which way things are going until the end of a cycle of treatment, or several cycles," professor Hogg said. "If, at the end of a cycle, we find out the tumour has not been reduced, the oncologist must prescribe a new combination of drugs, or a different treatment, and the patient starts again. This means patients go through a lot of trauma and many don't have the time to waste on ineffective therapies."

Patients would be injected with the dye within 24 to 48 hours after the first dose of chemotherapy or radiotherapy. A CT scan would then show any dead or dying cancer cells. If there were none, or less than expected, an oncologist could immediately change the treatment.

It is believed the dye could also be used for people suffering strokes and heart attacks.

This story was found at: www.smh.com.au

Just so you understand my concern the past week and a half, a neighbour of mine had a masectomy and she thought she was in the clear and ready to start chemo when they found a growth on her liver. She's waiting for mri results now.

I just wanted to make sure that my unusual back problems were not something mysterious, so I saw my family doctor this afternoon. Don't want to take chances and all that...

Had my CT (CAT) scan today. Should have been a year ago, but both Dr. Holmes and I missed it. The previous one was in March 2005.

Went by myself, as I knew I was not getting sedated. Left the house about 7:20AM for an 8AM appointment. After changing, I drank my 2 litres of contrast fluid during the next 45 minutes. The actual scan took less than 10 minutes, so I was getting dressed around 9:30. As I was dressing there was this "woosh" into my colostomy bag. So off to the bathroom to empty it. My thoughts 2 years ago that it was the 2 litres of fluid being the cause may not be correct.  I am now thinking that it may be a reaction to the intravenous contract dye injected a few seconds before the scan.

Anyway, the "liquid bowels" over with, I made it home without having to stop for a pee.

Went back to work for the afternoon. Found that my PC was giving me "issues" with Outlook and Internet Explorer. So my email was pretty much hooped for the day.

A place to read more about CT scans: BUPA

I came across Jessica's blog today. Jessica was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease in 2006. This blog is worth reading!

Hang in there, Jessica!!!

Was talking to our neighbor who has left her condo unoccupied, but not selling it. Turns out her family is battling breast cancer. She is even getting mammograms every six months at her doctor's recommendation.

You may remember posts about Julia in January.

Today I found out that Julia passed away Feb 20th. Her little heart gave up.

Francis seems to be coping but it must still hurt. 

An update from a week ago.

I spoke with Francis a few minutes and learned that they are slowly lowering the medication for little Julia. They want to get her ready to go out of ICU.

Made a CD with some inspirational songs for Francis to pass on to her 22-year old stepson, Julia's dad.

Just learned that the 6 month old granddaughter of one of the staff at the liquor store has been diagnosed with leukemia. Although there is a high rate of cure (or remission?) for cases like this, it must be horrible for the parents and grandparents. Very sad.

On a more positive note, my daughter-in-law, Angela, is applying to volunteer at the Cross Cancer Institute. I am to write a letter of reference. 

A number of people, including some medical practitioners, have pooh-poohed my notion of chemo-brain. Today a Japanese study says "Chemotherapy promotes a short-term, but apparently reversible, shrinkage of key brain areas."

Partial quote:

These changes could explain the impairment of thinking, memory, and focus that many cancer patients complain of after treatment, a Japanese research team has found.

The changes are marked by a temporary dimunition of certain brain areas that help people concentrate, plan, problem-solve, execute, and remember. This shrinkage can bring on a general cognitive malaise often called "chemo-brain."

However, these reductions in brain matter were no longer evident three and four years after chemotherapy, the Japanese team reported Monday in the online edition of Cancer.

"These findings can provide new insights for future research to improve the quality of life of cancer patients," concluded a team led by Dr. Masatoshi Inagaki of the Research Center for Innovative Oncology, part of the National Cancer Center Hospital East in Chiba, Japan.

The current study both supports and contradicts prior research into chemo-brain.

For example, a study released last month by researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, suggested that chemo-brain is linked to brain blood-flow changes that can endure for a decade or more.

I just found out that an acquaintance from Holland passed away from lung cancer on October 10th.

Jan was well known on the newsgroup alt.binaries.pictures.gardens for his photos of flowers, nature scenes around Amsterdam, and his three Blue Russian cats, Kees, Bram, and Peter.

Jan has taught us many techniques on photo composition.

He will be missed by many... 

Just heard good news that a friend passed his colonoscopy test. This was his 5-year test. A testament that colon cancer can be beaten. Thanks, P, for sharing.

Bill is going in for scar tissue removal next month. Radiation caused scar tissue in his plumbing...

All entries from my cancer diary have now been moved to this blog.

Note that a search function is available in addition to finding things chronologically (archives) or by subject (categories).

Over the weekend I learned of Fred who seemingly is undergoing the same treatment I had. He just finished his first week of chemo/radiation. I can't divulge personal details without Fred's permission, but if you, the reader, are a praying person, please pray for Fred and his wife, who is also a former cancer patient.

Went for my blood test last week Friday and saw the family doctor today, and all is good. The level was at 0.6 where 2.0 or higher is cause for concern. 0.6 is pretty much where it has been the last few tests

Two more test, in December 2006 and March 2007 and then I'm done.

The colonscopy was done in SIX minutes. After fasting the weekend, putting up with "Fleet" laxative filling up bag after bag, not sleeping properly out of concern I might pop a big, the whole thing was over in 6 minutes.

With a stoma there is apparently less discomfort than if they have to stick the tube up the rectum.  So I chose not to be sedated after Dr Todoruk said he would never take sedation. I figured, if he could do it, I could do it.

Dr Todoruk proceeded to push the tube through what was left of my large intestine, and even into the end of the small intestine. I was watching with him on the monitor and he was explaining what he was seeing. Due to the large magnification it looked like a scifi movie. I noted there was still a lot of crap on the intestinal wall that the Fleet had not washed out. That did not seem to be a concern as he was looking for polyps and off-colour spots, i.e., blood.

Prognosis: Everything was OK and the next checkup will be in three years. 

When I was done, Cecile had disappeared and wasn't answering her cell phone, and she had not told the nurses where she had gone. So I just was in a waiting room, eating the sandwich I brought, having some juice. I was glad I brought those. I guess Cecile had not counted on me being done early.

See NDDIC for more info about colonoscopies.

The red part on this diagram indicates roughly the colon part examined during the colonoscopy.

The blue part indicates the part that was removed in May 2004. The red part was the subject of today's procedure.

An interesting note from Dr Todoruk was that I only had 60% of my colon. A normal colon is 6 feet which means that about 2.5 feet was removed. I thought it was only 1 ft... Goes to show that not all information given is correct. 

Clarification of the 48-hour FAST to prepare for the colonoscopy... I can have clear fluids such as clear broth, black coffee, apple juice, even Jell-O. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight before the procedure.

The Relay For Life in Edmonton is scheduled for May 26 this year. If you are interested in a contribution to the Cancer Society, please contact me.

More information...

Got the CEA test results today and 0.8 is well below the acceptable 3.0. Good to go for another 3 months.

On another subject, fall is starting here and night time temperatures are getting pretty close to freezing. I have booked the last week of September off work to do garden cleanup. Plus it will be our 35th wedding anniversary on the 30th.

Somebody sent me a link to The Survivor Movie, a very inspirational slide show. I encourage you to take a few minutes to watch it.
From www.TheCancerCrusade.com.

Well, I'm good for another 3 months. Called for the results of my CEA blood test and everything is OK. The doctor himself is gone for a week, so the receptionist had another doctor check the results. Hence I did not get an exact number to compare to 3 months ago. Off to enjoy summer... :-)

The Canadian Cancer Society wishes to thank everyone who participated in Edmonton's annual Relay For Life. Special thanks go out to the event's participants, survivors, sponsors, organizing committee and volunteers

Congratulations, Edmonton, for celebrating cancer survivorship and paying tribute to the lives of loved ones lost. Thank you for your support in the fight against cancer!

The Successes of Edmonton's Relay For Life in 2005:

$629,235 raised
2,200 participants
222 teams
3,598 luminaries
350 survivors
200 volunteers

Some photos can be seen at photo.danen.org.

From what I have participated in, this is a very special event. Of course, only the survivors (we called them victors this evening) attended the survivors pre-program. Olivia Butti, a breast cancer surviror of almost 30 years, and city politician when she got the news, is one awesome example of being positive. I would love to meet her face-to-face sometime.This lovely woman who has no breasts left, is just an awesome person. You will see her when I put up my photos.
When the survivors reception was over, we all gathered in front of the entertainment stage.After the necessary speeches, we got ready for the survivor/victory lap.
Cecile walked the victory lap with me, but I lost her when we were posing for the survivors group photo. I guess she was taking photos too.
The luminary lighting was scheduled for 9:30 but we left at 8:30. My butt and my back were a royal pain...

A year ago today, somebody cut me a new a$$hole and removed my old one. What a year it has been...

I was told it would take up to three years to recover from the surgery and the chemo, and I am beginning to believe they are right. I still have trouble sitting for an extended period of time.

I guess Mr Optimist is getting a dose of reality.

Well, my colonoscopy was supposed to be done next month, but I got word today that it's scheduled for April 10th, 2006. I guess it's not critical enough...

Paul dropped in today, looking good, and he says, feeling good. After five weeks off, he's looking forward to coming back to work in a week. Six weeks is sure different from 10+ months off work. My gut feeling is that six weeks would be too short. Just take it slow, my friend. Think of your health first.

The doctor finally phoned me back about the CEA test and the CT scan. The CEA test was good: 0.7, where the acceptable range is 0 to 3.0. The CT scan showed a thickening of the perineum, which could be a result of surgery. As long as the CEA test was OK, there should be no concern about this. I guess the CEA test in June will tell more.

After 9 years of pain and incontinence, and 39 operations, Dee now has a colostomy. She has graciously allowed me to share her story with you. It's a very inspirational and uplifting story. Take the time to get to know Dee. You'll be blessed.

As it happened, my CT scan was at the same time as the Mounties Memorial service and only a few blocks away from the Cross Cancer Institute. Surprisingly, getting in to the CCI was not a problem.
So I drank my 2 liters of CT contrast during the course of an hour, while watching the memorial service on TV. Had the scan, went to pee twice and headed out. So I thought... We were stuck in the parking garage because of all the people leaving the Butterdome. Then some congestion in a few other places. All the time I have to go to the bathroom again, so I stopped at a restaurant for a bathroom break before continuing home.
And all that water loosened my stool, so I'm sitting in traffic having to pee, and my bag is filling up, but the sun was shining and it was a balmy 14C (57F).
Have to phone my GP in a week or so to find out the results...

Got an email from Paul that he's home again after surgery on Monday. Feeling good, but tired. I'm glad he's doing so well. :)
I'm scheduled for a CT scan tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully it, and the blood test last week, will produce favourable results...

My buddy Paul has decided on Laprascopic Radical Prostatectomy. See here for how such a procedure works. Keep up your good spirits, Paul, and we'll be thinking of you next week.

Dr. Stewart does not want to see me anymore, and NOT because he does not like me... :) At today's visit I asked him about the stoma. It has been getting larger instead of smaller as expected. There was no sign of a hernia and the stoma looked "nice." I guess from a surgeon's point of view... Unless something unforeseen happens, we won't be seeing each other again. Thank you, Dr. Stewart!
When I was done with my doctor's visit, I went to the lab for my first 3-monthly CEA test.

This past week has been good for work. I have been able to keep pace. Was it just a light week? I don't think so. Friday I spent most of the day getting a pass for one of our contractors... Just a thought, why the heck can't we have someone on site to make passes, or at least available 24/7?
After work, I have been taking very long naps (30-60 minutes). Kinda catches up with me in the early morning. I've been getting up around 4am or 5am.
Today is a lovely winter day. Not too cold, no wind, a dusting of snow, and some sunshine.

Someone asked how I was doing with the "chemo brain". Well, it's still there, but not as bad as it used to be. I think exercising my brain going back to work full-time has helped greatly to diminish the effects of chemo brain. I still need to concentrate hard when doing complex tasks, there's no auto-pilot. There are times when I am about to do something, and for the life cannot remember what it is. With a lot of mental effort, I can usually remember in the end. I have difficulty in large groups where a lot of people are talking.

Mental activities require extra effort, making for very tiresome days at work. Yet I believe that mental effort is what is going to get me out of the chemo brain cycle in the end. As long as I remember to take my time, I should be OK.

More information...

From the Ted Mann Family Resource Centre:
A survey of cancer patients several years ago reported that 32% reported debilitating tiredness every day, 21% on most days and 14% at least once a week. Only 20% reported that they hardly ever experienced debilitating tiredness. Twelve percent of the patients sampled in the survey actually said that they would rather be dead than have the severe fatigue that they were experiencing.
Cognitive dysfunction is typically characterized by impairments of neurological functions including short- and long-term memory, mood and depression, attention span, word association and/or comprehension and motor function.
Link

From the M. D. Anderson Cancer Center:
• Multi-tasking: becoming overwhelmed when more than one thing is happening
• Concentration: easily distracted
• Generalized slowing: misses points in conversations, difficulty keeping deadlines
• Increased effort: no auto pilot
Home Page and Presentation.

Week 3 started off rough. Had an accident after I had gone to bed Sunday night. After cleaning up and changing the ostomy equipment and settling down, it was 3:30 Monday morning before I went to bed again. Got to work late with a headache that got worse as the day went on. Left early to go home and take painkillers. From there, the week got better, until by Friday I felt really good. Still tired every day when I get home, but that seems to be par for the course.

Somebody mentioned a while ago that when I write about my experiences, it is so definitive with hardly room for discussion. Please understand that I write about MY experience only. Even people with the same treatment plan and the same operations and the same colostomy, can have a totally different experience.

I've taken Friday (tomorrow) off. I need a 3-day weekend to recover from the first three days this week. Yesterday I was up at 5am and did not go back to bed. This morning it was 6:15 but my alarm was set for 6:30 so that was not so bad. Still, I'll get up workday time tomorrow (if nothing goes wrong) so I don't get out of the routine I'm trying to establish. I will probably have a nap in the afternoon.

This has been quite the week. Monday and Tuesday were the worst, but Friday was extraordinarily busy. Four meetings, three of which sequential. Wasn't in the office much...
I'm trying to figure out the cause of my fatigue. It can't be physical, so it must be mental. Perhaps it is having to have to pay attention to so many things at the same time?
There have been times this week that I was ready to throw in the towel, but I'm glad I haven't yet. I know it's a year to recover from the operation, and up to three years to recover from the chemo/radiation, but I'm not prepared to sit at home that long.

What a fresh morning we're having: -33?C (that's -27? Fahrenheit). Fortunately the winds are light. This arctic cold system shows no signs of moving yet.
Work is exhausting... I underestimated going back full-time. I thought it would help getting into a regular routine, but I forgot that I don't have a routine job...

Yesterday I went back to work full-time, and while I was a bit apprehensive it was not as bad as I thought. The hardest part is getting into a "start of day" routine. I was quite tired when I got home, but a good nap helped. Went to bed earlier than normal, to get a good night's rest.

Happy new year, everyone! The first couple of days of 2005 have been pretty quiet. The weather has been snowy and cold (down to -30? Celsius or -22? Fahrenheit).

Got a letter from the Cross Cancer Institute today, outlining follow-up tests:

• colonoscopy within one year of surgery (if clean then every 3 to 5 years; if polyps found, repeat every year)
• CEA blood test every 3 months for 3 years after surgery
• CT scans 1 and 2 years after diagnosis

I was under the impression that tests were to be done on an annual basis. This looks like a different plan to me. Oh well...

Helen is really starting to feel the effects of chemo today.

Had a quick note from her before she had to go puke again...

Helen is going for another chemo treatment. Hang in there, girl. The side effects are temporary. Check our new Yahoo group for more encouragement.

We're having Christmas roast leftovers today, and they taste delicious!

9:15am - appt with Dr. Pedersen to find out the results of last week's tests.

The battle with cancer is over, Praise God! Saw Dr. Pedersen this morning and everything was 100% in order. "There's no bad news, everything is honky dory." New medical terminology, I guess. ;)

It is now time to start thinking of going back to work on January 10th.

A huge thank you to all those who supported me over the past year with prayers, visits, phone calls, email, and just being there for me. A big thank you to Northlands also, for giving staff the flexibility to provide support during working hours.

Started the day finding out "Doc" or "Pumps" has experienced much of what I have, except for the colostomy. After 3 years he still does not have his strength back. That's a bit disconcerting, but he's a bit older too.

Met with a co-worker today, and found out her mom has her second bout with cancer. Twelve years ago her mom successfully beat breast cancer, but now it's back in her other breast. Having two treatment options have left mom confused and scared. Please pray for clarity for Joan.

Helen has decided that if she's going to lose her hair, she may as well have some fun beforehand. So now she has a pink mohawk. Good for you, Helen.

The weather is like a yoyo, cold one day, warm the next. Yesterday was 8°C and today -16°C, that's a 24 degree drop in 24 hours...

One Year Ago I met for the first time with my surgeon and found out that I would definitely have a permanent colostomy. A lot has happened in a year. Chemo and radiation, surgery, and more chemo. This week I find out if that abuse to my body was successful. I pray that it has been...

Found out today that Helen, one of my email friends, is not doing well. Her doctor is not happy with her breast after surgery. Helen remains positive and at peace. I admire your faith, Helen. Prayer warriors, please pray for Helen.

This morning I was at the Cross Cancer Institute bright and early. First up (8AM) was the abdominal ultrasound, for which I had fasted for 12 hours. The procedure was not bad until the technician started poking on the scar and my ribs. At least the goop (gel) was warm. Next some chest xrays and then off to the lab for a donation of three tubes of blood.

I was a bit nervous and did not sleep well last night, but it's done now. Now I wait for the results when I see the oncologist next Thursday.

An eventful (half) day at work. A sprinkler got busted and our telephone and server rooms flooded. Fire alarms went off twice. All in all, the cleanup took several hours...

Barbara, Joevan's wife, passed away today after a two-year struggle with cancer. That really saddened my heart. She was only 51 and they would have been married 30 years next month. My wholehearted condolences to Joevan and the family. May her memories always be with you and comfort you.

Appt with Dr. Stewart (surgeon) at 1:45pm.

Everything is looking good, so he's ok with me going back to work half days at first. I don't need to consult Dr. Pedersen. The only restriction is no heavy lifting, but that's for the rest of my life (don't want a herniated stoma).

Happy Birthday to Cecile. Fifty-five years young and going strong...

I did not sleep too well, thinking about the doctor's visit later today, so I was up at 4AM already.

After seeing Dr. Stewart I dropped in at Human Resources at Northlands to do the paperwork for going back to work.  So next Monday will be my first day back at work. You can't imagine how good that feels after 10 months.

We went out for supper, not only to celebrate Cecile's birthday...

Another month has gone by, and I'm starting to climb the wall. Not back at work yet, no more gardening, not really enough energy to go for walks yet either. At least I'll see the surgeon in two weeks and hope he will let me go back to work, at least part time.

For those interested in more info about the upcoming tests in December, see this page.

I just found out that Irene's husband passed away last Saturday of lung cancer. My deepest condolences to Irene, her children, and family. My prayers are with all of you.

Visited some more with Paul today. My hat off to you, Paul, you have a great attitude. Stay positive. A month is a long wait, but it gives you a chance to come to terms with your feelings and those of your family. And whatever happens, you have many people to support you!

Slept till noon today. That need for sleep is my clue that my body is still rebuilding itself...

I think I may have misjudged how quickly I would recover from the chemo damage to my body. I have not seen as much progress this last week as I thought there would have been. Just have to keep on keeping on...

Did some tree watering yesterday. With the snow on the ground, the soil has not frozen yet despite the below-zero temperatures we've had the past week. Yesterday was above zero during the day, so I just set up the sprinkler and let it rip.

Wasn't up to the lily society meeting, but I'm on the list for lily judging class in January or February. That ought to be a real treat.

End of chemo cycle 4. To clarify, a cycle includes 1 week (5 days) of injections, then 3 weeks of recovery.

Today is the last day of the final chemo cycle. I would feel better if diarrhea did not rear its ugly head last night. Again, Imodium to the rescue.

Woke up to a snow storm yesterday which lasted for 24 hours. Today it wasn't snowing, but very windy. Wind chill factor was about -10°C...

With the end of chemo, there is also a time to start reducing the amount of posts in the diary. So if you start seeing gaps, don't worry.

Great news! Helen's operation was successful and the cancer had not spread. We'll continue to pray for a quick recovery.

Fahrenheit 9/11 is a must see documentary for all voting Americans.

Through my diary/blog I have made many new friends. One of those friends is being operated on today. If you're a praying person, please pray for Helen.

Went to visit Northlands today, to talk about going back to work. As soon as the doctor gives me a note that I can go back to work, I'll be back part time, probably after November 15th. Got a flu shot while visiting and found out that cancer patients and their close relatives can get free flu shots.

Lovely weather today, great for getting out and doing some more garden work. Got up to 18 degrees, but windy. Yet very nice to be outside. Filled up two garbage bags of non-compostable material.

No diarrhea last night, but very sore muscles on one side of the butt. Ibuprofen did not do the job, but Tylenol-3 did. Slept a pretty much solid 8 hours, had breakfast and then another 2 hours of sleep.

Diarrhea was back this afternoon, just before Paul came to visit.

Gorgeous day, definitely Indian summer...

Two people I know are not doing well. One, an elderly woman, was admitted to the hospital with a ruptured bowel. The doctors won't operate, so her life is pretty much over. Only a matter of days. The other person had an angina attack and needs tests to find the problem before he develops more serious heart problems.

Diarrhea was back this evening. Chemo side effects staying a bit longer.

Five months since the operation...

Did some more fall cleaning this afternoon. 20°C today, and 24°C tomorrow. I like it.

Set up a BLOG so the readers of this diary can provide feedback, ask questions, etc. Check it out...

Had an accident this evening. As I was changing the pouch, diarrhea hit and made a mess all over the bathroom.

Staying in my PJ's today. It's lousy weather outside, so I'm listening to a radio station via iTunes.

Watching the Discovery Health Channel about the prevention of breast cancer by radical mastectomy of both breasts. This is for women who have been tested for the breast cancer gene and have a family history of breast cancer. What a shame for a 23-year old girl to have both breasts removed. Yet it may save her life. One quote, "we are not dying, we are living."

Indian Summer continues, so I did a bit of cleaning up in the garden. Cleared the annuals from the shade planter and added some compost to a few low spots.

Diarrhea was right on schedule. Oh well... Still very tired. I'm pretty much useless in the mornings.

3:30pm - chemo treatment cycle 4 of 4 - driver: Phil Henry

Last chemo treatment!!! I'm happy. I won't miss the chemo, but I'll miss the nurses in the chemo areas. These are great people, concerned and caring, but also encouraging. Ladies, thank you for your care!

Now that chemo is over, I can start to rebuild my life. It's a wonderful feeling. Although I still have to deal with the side effects for a while, at least I won't get poked anymore, and the poison will slowly get removed from my body.

Just an example of the chemo effects, nausea, and how it is treated. Normally I get one or two Maxaran tablets at the time of chemo injections. This week, nausea was stronger than during the previous cycles. So I was given a Zofran prescription at a cost of $24.75. Per tablet... And I'm to take two per day...

3:15pm - chemo treatment cycle 4 of 4 - driver: Opal Blackstock

Nausea persists, and so does diarrhea. For chemo they had to poke me three times before they hit a good vein. They left the needle in my arm, so they don't have to poke me tomorrow.

My physical state is deteriorating. Chemo this time around is taking a heavier toll than before. But, on the up side, only one more time... :-)

My red orchid cactus opened a bloom today. This is likely the last one for the season. It's surprising that it blooms this late (normal bloom time is May), but my Christmas cacti are blooming too.

4:00pm - chemo treatment cycle 4 of 4 - driver: Angela Danen

Harvested 21 lily seedpods today. Very nice weather for the first day of fall, 20°C on my thermometer...

Just noticed that although I'm not going bald, I am losing hair. Oh well, we're almost done with the chemo.

Felt nauseous after chemo today. That's not supposed to happen until next week!

3:15pm - chemo treatment cycle 4 of 4 - driver: Cecile

Despite a 2-hour nap yesterday afternoon, still slept over 9 hours.

I guess Indian Summer is here... Nice weather, nice enough to have tea in the backyard.

After today's chemo I was a bit woozy. That's why the CCI recommends having a driver. Half an hour later I was fine.

8:30am - blood test - BLOOD COUNT IS GOOD! I am so relieved that my blood count is good today.

9:30am - exam - Dr. Pedersen lined up some tests for December 15, and a follow-up visit for December 23. He also indicated that after this cycle my blood count will recover slower still. Confirms my feeling of the chemo's cumulative effect.

11:30am - chemo treatment cycle 4 of 4 (last cycle for now) - 5FU at 750 (was at 850 for first cycle) - driver: Cecile

While at the Cross, saw Dennis, a radiation technician who I saw a lot of last February and March.

9:00am - blood test - blood count too low...

10:00am - exam - Dr. Pedersen - we'll do another blood test on Monday, if still too low, the chemo will be postponed a week.

I thought I was doing great, so the low blood count was disappointing. Perhaps that's because of the activities the last few days, or maybe the fact that the blood test was 4 days early. Who knows, but I'm taking it easy until Monday.

Hmmm, just noticed I don't have a driver for Tuesday yet...

Are you an Alberta resident? Have you filled out Ralph's survey "it's your future" yet? Albertans have until September 24^th to respond.

I'm watching "Rage Against the Darkness", a CBC documentary about seniors in nursing homes. What a contrast between Gertrude, a spirited 102-year old lady and senile, introverted persons. I hope I can look after myself until I die, or have Gertrude's zest of life.

If you live in Alberta, and want to join the fight against cancer, consider buying a ticket in the Cash & Cars lottery. $1,000,000 grand prize...

Out for a drive to Parkland Perennials this afternoon to pick up some new lilies. I have now added Baronesse, Delta, Haidee, Latvia, Navone, Neon Lights, Pretender, and Sorbet. Also planted some tulips, so now I'm pooped...

Good to see Canada winning the world cup of hockey!   Mario Lemieux, team captain, is also a cancer survivor.

Appointment with Dr. Stewart (surgeon) at 11:15am. Great news! The bottom hole has closed up! Now new tissue needs to grow and finish the healing process. Next check-up is in two months.

I feel great about my visit with Dr. Stewart this morning. I guess all those prayers DO help...

Kinda nice having coffee in the backyard in the sun. This is my "good" week (chemo again next week), so I take advantage as I can. Also did some more lily transplanting this afternoon, getting ready for the big planting job tomorrow.

Kind of a shitty day today, I mean diarrhea...

Put the fish into a tub, so I could clean out the half-barrel. I'm not over-wintering fish or plants this year, so everything is going to a new home.

Today is the first time I lost my breakfast since I started chemo.

I have put together a summary page that captures diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, etc. for those who haven't read all the monthly pages.

Went to Kuhlman's today with Vincent to pick up 8 bags of top soil and 1 bag of sheep manure. The old pond is starting to look full...

Diarrhea is beginning to run rampant today--sh!t... Imodium to the rescue!

Would you believe a twelve and a half hour night of sleep? Not continuous, of course, but I think it's a record. I'm beginning to think my energy is not back to the same level at the beginning of each chemo cycle. I think the fatigue is cumulative. I feel much more tired than at the same time in the first two cycles. But perhaps I'm more active with gardening, who knows... After all, I filled the pond space halfway this afternoon. Good thing Cecile was available to carry the bags of topsoil.

Happy anniversary to long-time friends, Fred and Irene! :-)

My tongue is again very sensitive, maybe a precursor to mouth sores?

12:00pm - chemo treatment cycle 3 of 4 - driver: Fran Lucas

Thanks, Fran, for jumping in on short notice. Was it not for the unnecessary poking (ouch), the whole procedure was rather pleasant. Unless you see for yourself how people joke around with each other while receiving chemo, it's hard to imagine how sick people make light of their condition. I attribute a good deal of the humour to the nurses. They don't work with sick people, they're working with people who are getting better.

Did some more work in the garden. Got the pond out, ready for Leslie to come and pick up. Also went to Greenland Gardens with Irene to check out trees for a few hours, so I was really bushed.

3:15pm - chemo treatment cycle 3 of 4 - driver: Vincent Danen

Just figured out that my insurance benefits drop by $734 per month by going from STD (short term disability) to LTD (long term disability). And for August they're taking off another $642 which they overpaid on STD. This is no reflection on my employer; I just did not ask enough questions to get the full financial picture.

Had a good 11-hour sleep, probably due to my extra activity in the garden yesterday.

4:15pm - chemo treatment cycle 3 of 4 - driver: Dan Nguyen

Amazing how sunny weather improves one's outlook on life. Doing fairly well today. Talked with my sister from Holland for over an hour, and then got to work on emptying the pond. Someone is picking up the fish and lilies tomorrow. Then I can begin phase 1 of my garden make-over, removing the pond and making a new lily bed. Next year I will put in a smaller pond in a location where it gets more sun, so I can enjoy my waterlilies longer.

1:00pm - chemo treatment cycle 3 of 4 - driver: Rey Wosar

Slept long (ten hours) but fitfully. Up to go to the bathroom every hour or so, turning over and over.

Still lousy weather. Time to bring the Christmas and Orchid cacti inside, I think.

8:30am - blood test - was good! :)

9:30am - exam - Dr. Tankel (filling in for Dr. Pedersen) ordered x-rays to check on the back and hip pain. Just to make sure nothing funny is happening there.

11:45am - chemo treatment cycle 3 of 4 - driver: Cecile

I was rather exhausted after spending the morning at the CCI. So I had a 2-hour nap when we came home.

Now to check on the web server... Turned out to be one of those automatic updates that turned on a firewall. Good firewall--nothing got through. Thanks, Vincent, for your help!

Slept almost 11 hours last night. Taking it easy today, as I have to get up early tomorrow.

After adding a new domain (Parkland Perennials) to my server, it decided not to work anymore. Don't really feel like mucking with it today.

Was a bit depressed this morning, not looking forward to chemo next week. So to cheer myself up, I went in the garden to do some weeding and lily transplanting.

Also took a few stoma photos.

Manulife called today to talk about my LTD benefits. I'm OK until the end of October.

Feeling much more rested today. I guess the wedding took more out of me than I figured. Oh well, got all week to recover before chemo starts again.

Slept a total of 11 hours after taking Ibuprofen and Tylenol 3. One of the best sleeps in a long time. And yet, at noon I had to take another nap, and another one after supper.

Good news. Home Care is closing my file. I'm done there... A big thank you is in order to all the nurses who have attended to me.

Beautiful weather, no mosquitoes, so I could actually sit outside.

Duh, chemo brain again... Put my jacket with my wallet by the door and then left without it...

Did some weeding today and trimmed my Stella D'Oro daylily so I can see the pond again.

About supper time I was just pooped and then diarrhea started. Perhaps a result from not enough sleep, though it might be due to conflicting meds.

It seems lately I'm up around 4am because my back and hips bother me. I think the chemo is making me calcium deficient. That would explain the cracked finger nails too.

Van T. took me to a photographers seminar. Vistek was promoting Phase One backs for Hasselblads. It was very interesting to hear the experience of professionals going from film to digital.

Good news! I only need to go see Home Care once a week now...

Saw Dr. Stewart (surgeon) today and he says that the bottom wound does not need packing anymore. It will be another month or so before the wound closes but it's getting pretty small. For the "waterworks" problem, he thinks it just needs time for the nerves to heal and reconnect.

I'm happy that I'm making such good progress with the wound. Got a call in to Home Care to see what I need to do for wound care, but at least I won't be going in every two days anymore.

Finally got my insurance form back from the family doctor. Got it off to Manulife right away for the LTD claim.

Up at 4:30am so you can imagine how fit I felt today. Did go for another walk, a bit longer than yesterday. I'm in worse shape than my son Vincent, who smokes and sits on his behind most of the day. Yikes!

Same lousy sleep routine as yesterday...

Went for a walk this evening. Had not felt like a walk since the beginning of last week. I barely did 4 or 5 blocks and had to go back.

Quite the thunderstorm and pounding rain at 1am. Power was out for quite a while. Fortunately no hail!

1:30pm - chemo treatment cycle 2 of 4.

Last chemo--now to recover for three weeks and then we do it all again. So far the side effects have been fatigue, and a very sensitive tongue with a weird taste staying in my mouth. I guess this is how some people get mouth sores.

This morning was a perfect example of "chemo-brain". I had a Home Care appointment at 10am at the clinic, which is 15 minutes driving away. So I time it that when I get out of the shower, I can just leave for the clinic. As I'm heading out the door, I notice it's only 9:15. Duh... So I go back inside, muck around a bit and leave again at 9:35. After about a minute I realize that I had forgotten my bag of supplies (they give you cream, liners, etc, which you bring with you each visit) so I had to go back to get it. The chemo-brain part is that I was looking at that bag on my way out, but did not recognize it for what it was, and as a result it stayed at home...

2:30pm - chemo treatment cycle 2 of 4

2:30pm - chemo treatment cycle 2 of 4

Dr. Holmes, my family doctor, figures my back aches and incontinence may be caused by an inflamed prostate, so now I'm on antibiotics...

12:00pm - chemo treatment cycle 2 of 4

Slept 9 hours last night. When I came home from chemo, slept another 2 hours.

9:00am - blood test - hemoglobin still low, but higher than 4 weeks ago

10:00am - exam - Dr. Pedersen lowered the dose of 5FU in light of the nausea and diarrhea during the previous cycle; he also did not think the brown spots on my forehead were something to worry about; the incontinence problem was a puzzle for him--will need to take that up with Dr. Stewart.

When talking to Dr. Pedersen, I found out he used to treat TB here in Edmonton. He grew up in Denmark and vaccination against TB was mandatory there. I asked him what would happen when the treatments are over, and there is just a CT scan checkup three months later, and then the family doctor will take over with period blood tests.

12:30pm - chemo treatment cycle 2 of 4

Feeling tired. Got up at 5am, then the morning at the CCI.

No mosquitoes today due to strong winds. Too much wind to pollinate any lilies...

Had abdominal cramps since about 8pm last night, lasting 12 hours. Very painful, so I did not get much sleep. Wonder what that was all about...

Lilies are coming along very nicely, but the mosquitoes make life miserable outside.

My first out-of-home Home Care visit. As of today I go to the clinic for dressing changes, so I won't see the ladies at home anymore, unless I have a major setback and can't drive to the clinic. That's OK, it's only another month and the wound should be closed.

Went to the ARLS lily show at Bonnie Doon mall around 12:30 and met Jodi, Marilyn and Janet. Also met Ted Willoughby, Fred Tarlton, and Bill Mackay the vice-president of ARLS.

Another scorcher with impressive thunderstorms late evening.

Appointment with the surgeon, Dr. Stewart. 10am. Again, the doctor was pleased with the healing progress. I see him again on August 5th.

Cruel joke by my bowels, diarrhea was back as of early this morning. Fortunately it did not last long.

Speaking of jokes, check this out: Ostomy Humour...

Thanks for the visit, Paul. As always, a good time. Especially at times when I'm not feeling great and tend to feel sorry for myself, it's nice to have you come over.

Slept ten hours straight, right through the commotion of a theft of garbage containers across the road. A total of eight were stolen around the condo complex.

Diarrhea stopped, so I'm trying to get back on a normal diet. No nausea either, so perhaps the worst is over.

Most of the day was nice, but a thunder shower with hail made me take the orchid cacti inside. Tomorrow is supposed to be nice so they'll go outside again then.

A few weeks ago I bought some old Bonanza releases on DVD, which I'm now enjoying.

Martagon lily show at Devonian Botanic Gardens. Too bad I still don't feel well enough to go see it, nor visit the CZ "Weed 'n Feed" get-together at Shauna's.

Pretty much wiped today. Spent most of the day in bed. I guess the red blood cell count is dropping...

Not a good day today. Diarrhea continues and for the first time since starting chemo, I feel nauseated. Bad enough that I got dressed and picked up some Gravol. On the bright side, it's only temporary...

Just received news that Anita's surgery was successful. Praise God!

Bowels continue to be very loose, even after taking Imodium. And now we're adding incontinence to the list of side effects. Not much fun...

Had Opal and Ed over for a visit later in the afternoon. Too bad it was too cold to sit outside.

Bad case of "active bowels" last night/this morning, so I woke up frequently checking the colostomy bag. Had to empty it three times, but fortunately no accidents.

Had a great time at the Klondike Days staff kick-off lunch. Good to see so many friends. As I was talking to Phil, he mentioned an article about "chemo brain", a condition I can relate to. And no wonder. My chemo dose (also 5FU) was 3,750mg for 7 days. Last week I got 850mg per 5-minute shot, that's 4,250mg in 5 days. That's a higher dose than before.

Rain and thunder later in the afternoon. I'm glad I harvested some lily pollen first.

11:45am - last chemo treatment for cycle 1

Last chemo for this cycle. Now three weeks for my body to recover and then the next go around. I'm glad Ang drove today. I had taken a Tylenol-3 and was mixing words up while talking to the nurse at the Cross.

So far the side effects are not bad (see Patient Symptom Record) but next week is supposed to be harder as my blood counts are dropping.

Home Care is switching the packing from CalciCare to AquaCel.

I did not realize how much rain we had until I saw all the flooded road areas this morning to and from the Cross. If you remember the Dukes Of Hazard shows, think of the Hazard Car Wash and you'll get the picture.

3:15pm - chemo treatment cycle 1 of 4

No Home Care calling early, so I can sleep in. Got nine and a half hours of sleep in a row. Even after all the small naps yesterday.

Paul lent me a movie called "Amistad." Wow, what an emotional roller coaster about slave trading. Highly recommended, but keep the tissues handy.

Not feeling too bad today, but driving to the Cross by myself is not something I want to do every time. When I came home I could hardly remember the trip, and I was not on drugs, other than chemo...

Having rain and thundershowers this evening. I like the rain for the garden, but can do without the thunder (and power outages).

   Canada Day - no chemo

As of today, Home Care will switch to changing my dressing every other day instead of daily. That will be easier on my skin (tearing off tape every day is no picnic) and reduce the risk of infection. The downside is showers every other day.

The yellow daylilies are looking very nice today. I guess they are about midway in their bloom time.

Pretty tired today. It's warming up again outside, but the humidity is rising also. Blah... Time for a nap.

This evening I was standing outside, after playing with my neighbour's camera and all of a sudden the area around the stoma was very tender, almost painful. As soon as I sat down the pain was gone. Strange. Mindy you, my stool has been very loose since yesterday--chemo result?

2:30pm - chemo treatment cycle 1 of 4

Feeling a bit of tingling in my hands, and my tongue feels a bit weird. Other than that and fatigue, I feel good.

Goodbye to June. It was disappointing to see all my martagon lilies fail, but there's always next year.

1:45pm - chemo treatment cycle 1 of 4

Lilium philadelphicum opened today. Planted last year, but it did not do much then. I'm glad it survived.

8:30am - blood test (hemoglobin was a bit low)
9:30am - exam
11:45am - chemo treatment cycle 1 of 4. I guess I'll get poked every day I go, no shunt for the week... And of course, first day, they can't find the vein and have to use the other hand; a rather painful experience.

Leni and Hans left this afternoon. I had hoped to be well enough to see them to the airport, but I was just plain pooped when we came home from the first chemo treatment. Other than no energy, I feel good.

Nice to meet Barb Wiseman at the CCI. Retirement looks good on you, Barb. :)

Slept for almost two hours in the afternoon. Before supper I had a surge of energy (for about half an hour...) so I planted the martagon lily seeds I collected last year, and some Canadense rubrum seeds from Libby. After supper I had a very long nap.

Yesterday my Lilium columbianum opened it's flower. I noticed it too late to get a good picture, but here's one.

Had a rash on my bum this morning, where the dressing is taped on. The only break on my routine was the doctors visit yesterday, so it's gotta be his fault. Just kidding, of course.

Appointment with the surgeon, Dr. Stewart. He was very pleased with the healing progress. The rear wound is only 3cm deep (a bit over an inch). The nurse must have measured wrong on the 14th...

After the doctor's appointment, Cecile and I went shopping for a lounge chair. I figure that with the nicer weather, why not lounge outside in the shade? We found nothing at Sears or The Bay, but we came home with leather jackets for both of us. Go figure. Ordered a lounge chair online at sears.ca. Interesting how certain events help us change our behaviour. A number of years ago, during a postal strike, I started online banking. Now, when I'm not very mobile, I do more shopping online. Very interestingly, as I type this, Sears calls to tell me the chair will be delivered on Friday between 8:30am and 5pm. Nice personal touch to an online transaction.

Heard this Irish proverb on TV: "May all your troubles be like granny's teeth, few and far between..." I'll have to remind myself of that next week, when chemo starts.

All I could do was about 20 minutes in the garden, and I was exhausted. Next week, after I see the surgeon, I'm going to Sears for a lounge chair. Without it, I don't think I can survive the birthday open house on the 26th.

It's only 8pm, but I'm off to bed. I'm pooped...

Had almost 9 hours of sleep last night. Good thing the visitors are off to Banff for a week, so I can get my rest. They'll be back Thursday night and leave the next Monday, when I start my first chemo cycle.

Today is a special day of sorts. In 1967 I graduated from high school, and the 17th is also the birthdate of a girl, Gerda, I had a crush on in high school.

Appointment with ostomy nurses at RAH, 1pm.

Went very good. Lorna gave me some different models of ostomy bags to try before I have to order a new supply.

They're "new image" models from Hollister. Got a few one-time (disposable) bags as well as some reusable, along with a convex flange to help prevent leaking. These bags are cloth covered for extra comfort.

First ostomy accident at 5:30am. Must have slept on my stomach and the pressure made it leak. Oh well, sh!t happens...

Took my sister and "b-i-l" to Elk Island Park. I just did the driving, but was still very tired when we got home. At least the visitors got some nice pictures.

Got the S-Video hookup working, but I still don't know how. Oh well...

Found an interesting comment about journaling on Cancer Consultants' website: "A person's cancer journey can be a time of deep reflection, a time for peacemaking and a time to express fears, hopes, and dreams. Often by merely writing about feelings, a person can attain a sense of perspective and inner peace. The journal becomes a resource for empowerment and inspiration as well as therapeutic. Journaling can be a powerful tool toward healing."

Interesting...

Appointment with Dr. Pedersen. As I already half expected, more chemotherapy is scheduled, starting June 28. There will be four cycles of four weeks each, for a total of 16 weeks of treatment. Each cycle consists of one week of daily treatments at the CCI, followed by three weeks off to let the drugs do their work. The treatments at the Cross will be intravenous cocktails of 5FU with a Leucovorin booster (enhancer). These sessions are expected to be about 30 minutes. The last cycle ends October 17, 2004.

Dr. Pedersen explained that only 7 lymph nodes were removed during surgery, and that the absence of cancer cells in those nodes is a maximum 50% indication that cancer has not spread. That leaves a 50% or more risk factor that the cancer has spread. Hence the need to more chemo, or I may be in the same boat again in a year.

Pelvic radiation can not ever be considered again for me, so prevention becomes real important.

According to a Mayo Clinic study, Fluorouracil (5FU) and low-dose leucovorin given as postoperative adjuvant therapy for colon cancer is effective in preventing tumor relapse and improving survival in patients with high-risk colon cancer.

Revamped the cancer resources page while I was trying to find out what I could expect today. I have noticed on the Colorectal Cancer Network, that if there is the slightest doubt, I'm looking at further chemo and/or radiation.

I guess I'm somewhat disappointed. Even though I kind of expected more chemo, I still had to swallow a few times when Dr. Pedersen explained the reason why it was strongly recommended. I did not have to agree to further treatment, but now that I've come this far, why blow it all, especially since radiation is no longer an option for me should cancer ever be found again in the abdominal area.

On a different note, I had a male nurse change the dressing and packing today. Ed, think of it...a guy touching your hiney...

Note that cycle numbers start at 1 again for the new treatment plan.

I was asked by Priscilla Savary, Executive Director of the Colorectal Cancer Network, to post their Proposed Screening Guidelines. The proposal, if adopted by the medical community, can eliminate colorectal cancer in our lifetime. Had I had a colonoscopy at age 50, I might never had cancer, just a removed polyp...

Colorectal cancer (which includes cancer of the colon, rectum, anus, and appendix) is the second-leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the U.S. Only lung cancer claims more lives. In 2004 nearly 131,000 Americans will be diagnosed with colorectal cancer and 56,000 will die.

Appointment with the surgeon, Dr. Stewart. Making good progress with the stoma and abdomen. The rear wound is still very deep and will take months to heal completely. He did not agree with Home Care changing the dressing just once a day, or trying to get Cecile to change the dressing.

I felt really good after the doctors appointment. Everything was on target according to the doctor. No surprises!!! I see him again on the 21st.

It was no fun driving to the appointment though, and driving back home was outright painful.

Beautiful weather today, so I pulled some weeds. Hardly visible, but at least I had some exercise. I also did a bit of planting, but not enough energy to do much of that.

Home Care again suggested that Cecile change my dressings daily with them doing a weekly check-up. While I am not opposed to Cecile changing the external dressing, I don't feel comfortable with her doing the internal packing. That wound is still over 5cm (2") deep, and packing it too tight is very painful, and packing it too loose, and it loses its intended effect. I prefer Home Care keeps coming daily until I can drive myself to a Medi-Centre to get the dressing changed.

Lots of visitors today, Phil, Walt, Duncan, Hank & Deanna. Thanks for dropping by!

At last a rainy day. Things were getting pretty dry in the garden, and Cecile's veggie garden needs the moisture too.

I wonder how Nancy and the gang did at the Relay For Life last night...

Good to find out that certain nerves are starting to work again. I was told that it could be up to a year before all nerves, the ones that were not cut, would be functioning again.

Tonight is the Canadian Cancer Society Relay For Life, a 7pm to 7am event to which I was invited to take part in the Survivors' Victory Lap. In about three weeks I might be up for it, but not now. I can't sit in a car long enough to get to the event. But there's always 2005.

Had a bit of a fever last night. Probably too much physical activity yesterday. Slept really well though.

Had a great visit with Paul this afternoon. Felt very tired afterwards, but very satisfied.

Up at 3:30am... Finished the pages on high blood pressure, now starting on the high cholesterol information. The two together are sure a deadly combination. Of course as soon as the cholesterol info was published, Gabriella pointed out that Canada uses a different scoring system. Back to more research.

Today the ostomy was scheduled to be changed. By the time nurse Holly came, I was almost done. If you can stomach it, here are pictures of my stoma and the ostomy.

Today was the day things did not work. I unplugged my Bluetooth mouse and no matter what I did, it's no longer working for me. Back to a wired mouse.

This afternoon I tried starting up the van, but the engine did not even turn over. Dead battery. Had to get it boosted.

Vincent figured (correctly) that I might be going stir-crazy at home. So he took me to Greenland Garden Centre, rubber donut and all. I'm glad he has this handle in his car that I could pull myself up with, to lighten the load on the rear end. Glad to be home again, no car rides until next week's doctors appointment...

The last of the goldfish and koi went into the pond today. They seem to enjoy themselves.

It's now 1am and can't sleep. Had two hours of sleep, but it'll be 2am or 3am before I go back to bed. So much for wanting to get into a routine. I guess my body will tell me when to sleep and when not. Took some laxative to combat the constipation caused by codeine.

As the pump filter in the pond was clogged, I took the opportunity to put the big filter in so I'm ready for the summer.

My Lee Valley order came in, so I tagged a few more of my lilies.

Enough exercise for today...

I did not understand why my behind was so sore yesterday until I took the dressing off today. A piece was all bunched up, so it was pressing on the wound. Told the nurse about it and I feel a lot better today.

I wonder what people are thinking about my situation. I had lots of visitors in the hospital, but now that I'm home, all but three must think I'm well again? Not until I can sit in a chair and drive myself somewhere, do I consider myself "fairly well"...

Today was pretty cold, so I stayed inside and started adding some more medical information. Came across some interesting websites during my research.

Yesterday I was tired, due to lack of sleep, so I had a real good 6-hour sleep.

When I got up this morning, I flipped some channels and ended up watching a medical show "Medical Intelligence" on TechTV. Featured was Dianne Mowat, a breast cancer survivor. An incredible lady who saw her time of treatment as a marathon to be won. She is now a spokesperson for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. They also mentioned a good information website, the Medical Posting.

The rear end must be getting better. Using the rubber donut and a beach towel, I could sit in a lawn chair by the pond having coffee. I did not last long, about five minutes, but it's a start!

Walked around the mall today, well...shuffled really... Afterward I was so pooped, I kept falling asleep, but it felt good.

Well, at least two nights I slept well. Pain woke me up at 2:30, and I'm back trying T3's. At least they help against yesterday's diarrhea. It's weird, having diarrhea, and not having to spend a lot of time on the john. Wonder what caused it, maybe the ice cream?

Was just reading the Canadian Cancer Statistics for 2004: One in every 2.3 Canadian males and one in every 2.6 Canadian females will develop some kind of cancer during their lifetime. If you can't get the report from the above site, try here. Just be warned that it is a large file.

Slept really well, with only a single bathroom/painkiller break.

Started taking off some steri-strips from the abdomen. Some still look a bit wet, but Dr. Stewart said I could take them off today. About half of the strips will have to wait until my next bag change because the flange part is taped over some of the strips.

Moved a few of the younger goldfish into the pond. I'll leave the older ones and the koi till after the (cold) long weekend.

Slept a wonderful seven hours on a couple of Ibuprofen. Today I want to keep trying that as it takes care of my back muscles too, and is not addictive.

While trying to find out more about my Suncrest lily, I came across The Lily Garden. Check out the catalog with pictures and see why I fell in love with lilies.

Thanks for lending that "lap desk" to me, Leslie. Works much better than having the laptop on a pillow.

Lost 15 pounds since May 2nd. Let's see if I can keep that off...

Could not sleep at 2am. Not being able to sleep on my back causes backaches, but it wasn't time for T3's yet. Need 4 hours between doses...

The Home Care nurse did a swab this morning so we could find out what that greenish discharge is. If it's infection, then better get some meds now. Walked to the lab to drop the swab off. Abbottsfield Mall is not such a bad place to live next to... :) I never appreciated how many abdominal muscles are used when walking. Of course mine still hurt, so I walk a bit bent over, compensating with my back muscles, which in turn hurt like heck.

Entries for May 4 to 12 are now complete.

Jackie, the Home Care nurse, changed my appliance this morning. I thought I was supposed to do this myself...

Walked around the block with Cecile. That was enough for today.

Took it easy today, just spent some time in the garden, checking which lilies are coming up, and pulling some weeds. Doesn't wear me out, yet allows for ample movement to flex the abdomen. Speaking of abdomen, around to area of the incision, my belly is hard as a rock. Would that be because I no longer have a JP to drain fluids?

Had my first real workout today. Walked to Zellers with Cecile. Good thing the mall is across the road. Nevertheless, I was pooped. Then plumbers came to replace a tap, and when they were gone, I was glad I could go to bed for over an hour.

Later in the afternoon Walt paid me a "welcome home" visit. Among others he shared a bit from Psalm 25 where David says, "don't let me be ashamed..."

It's very nice to wake up in my own bed, even though I was awake from 1:30am to 4am and posting the entry for May 4th.

Had the first visit from Home Care. Two nice ladies, one a student. We even get to make our own saline solution and sterilize our own equipment. Great way to involve the patient in his/her own care.

Boy, was I ever surprised this afternoon, when I received a visit from Ed and Leslie from work. I am handed this bag with a lot of green paper in it. First a book comes out, then a boat load of movies, all of which I like, and none of which are in my collection yet. These materials will be very useful to help me get that much needed rest. (Even a shower wears me out...) A very big thank you to the other staff for their generous contributions.

I won't disgust you by describing the new and improved way of bowel movements, just that they are happening...

Upcoming appointments:

• Dr. Stewart - June 3rd at 2:45pm
• Ostomy check-up at RAH - June 17th at 1pm

After 8 days of rest and relaxation (!), I'll be going home today. The doctor figured on 7 to 10 days, so 8 is a good deal.

Slept half decent but the rear wound was packed too tight and made me uncomfortable. Had two T3's around 2am and another warm blanket.

At 5am the JP output is still pretty high. At 5:30am, I'm ready to go home NOW...

The dark-skinned doctor is back at 6:50am. "DC the JP," I think is medical jargon for "disconnect the Jack&Pratt receptacle." Stitches will also be removed before I go home, and I'll get a prescription for T3's and a laxative.

Dr. Stewart comes by one last time at 7:25am. I am to call his office for a follow-up appointment in 2 or 3 weeks. He has removed one ft of colon including part of the sigmoid colon. That means my stools should be fairly complete. He said to go easy on the T3's, rather take extra-strength Tylenol. He wonders whether Dr. Pederson will order more chemo, considering the results of the operation and the pathology report.

Vitals are good at 7:50, BP is 113/77. Breakfast came and went, nothing to write home about.

Anita will remove the stitches and JP, then shower, then Pat's ostomy lesson (with Cecile in attendance), and then home...

Cecile and Vincent came to pick me up. Sitting in the van was the most uncomfortable experience. Every bump in the road, sharp corner, sudden braking, made me cringe. I was so glad to be home and able to get out of the van.

Vincent, Angela, and Jayden came to visit later in the afternoon. Nice to have family around where everybody can sit down. Jayden sure likes toy tools.

After supper I had my first bowel movement, so no more need for a laxative.

I'm back home, safe and sound. Everything went as planned and even my surgeon is tickled pink that the radiation and chemo were so effective resulting in NO live cancer cells in the removed tissue, which is almost a 100% indication of NO cancer left in this body! Praise God!!!

At 2:45am I asked for two more T3's and another warm blanket. Hoping for another couple of hours of sleep.

At 6:30am a lady doctor came by instead of my dark-skinned friend. Everything up front looked good, but the JP is still draining too much to be removed. Stitches will be removed in the next few days. No BM yet. She ordered a laxative to get the bowels kick-started.

Dr. Stewart stopped in at 7:30am:

• pathology report was excellent; no signs of active cancer cells, lymph nodes clear; excellent response to radiation and chemo treatments

• JP will be taken out before I go home; reason for discharge is internal oozing from the healing process

• rear wound will slowly heal over the next two months; this wound cannot be steri-stripped; Home Care will change dressings

• I MAY GO HOME TOMORROW!!!

Readings at 7:45: blood pressure is 123 over 78, oxygen is at 99. These are good vitals.

Dr. Holmes came by at 9:50 echoing Dr. Stewart's positive outlook.

Second shower with my new companion, the ostomy bag (I need to think of a name for this thing). Sure feels nice and clean.

Poor Siy. They want to send him home, but he does not feel ready. He lives by himself at the York hotel. Social Services will need to help him get that sorted out. At 84, he seems to have all his faculties, but he's not optimistic he can survive.

The nurse brought some videos from Hollister to watch:

Managing Your Colostomy

• as the body adjusts to new functionality, adjust your lifestyle

• no need to change lifestyle

• annual check with ET nurse and doctor

• sources of info: pharmacist, UOA

• your life is not over, it's just beginning

CenterPointLock Two-Piece Ostomy System

• instructional video with good info

At noon I asked for two T3's and got an anti-nausea pill as a bonus.

Lunch included a ham sandwich, potato chowder (not bad), and canned peaches.

Not much happening this afternoon. Almost 5pm and not a single visitor--nobody to share my good news with. Rather disappointing, but I'm getting lots of rest.

At 5:10pm, Walt Opmeer is the first to hear the good news. Isaiah 55, "My ways are not your ways," says the Lord. Walt had no time to explain how that applied to my case because he had to run. After offering a prayer of thanksgiving, he quickly departed.

Supper was diced carrots, mashed potatoes, and grilled chicken breast.

Cecile visited from 6:30pm to 8pm. Leni had sent a very nice card. Cecile took a plant home in anticipation of my release tomorrow.

The nurses came just after 8pm to record our vitals. I asked for two T3's and a hot blanket. Got the T3's half an hour later and the hot blanket will come after my dressing change, sometime after 9pm.

At 9:30pm Jacqueline changed my dressing. The packing in the back is down to 18" of the one-inch wide ribbon gauze.

My dreams are too vivid to my liking. They include views from my room and the clock. There's a movie running and by pointing a remote control at the clock, I can select past or present. It is so off the wall, yet realistic, that when I wake up I look for the remote control. And I thought Siy's hallucinations were weird...

The dark-skinned doctor was here at 6:30am and I can now go on soft foods. When they took my vitals, I got a gravol pill for my stomach. I just noticed that they haven't been giving me my Diovan for high blood pressure, yet my BP is normal. Dr. Stewart came at 8am and he thinks it's because I have less stress and less activity. He cautioned me to go back on Diovan when I get home. He also checked the ostomy bag and the wounds and thought the belly wounds have healed far enough to get taped today. He checked the rear too, but that one is still too deep. The JP is still draining a lot of fluids so he's going to leave it for now.

Nurse Jessica came to see how I was doing and just to say hi.

After a delicious breakfast (ha!) I washed up while nurse Gwen made my bed. When I came back she was ready to change my dressings. The front no longer gets packed, but steri-stripped. Steri-strips are small strips of tape, reinforced with fibre that does not stretch. So, except for the JP drain, the front has no more bandages.

Pat came by for "appliance change" training. She told me what to do, and I followed her instructions. I passed with flying colours. This is the day that I literally took my lifestyle change into my own hands.

Lunch... My first sandwich, shaved turkey on white bread, a real treat after not having had solid food for 8 days. Mind you, as I come to find out later, this hospital diet is so low in fibre, that combined with the painkillers, it is no wonder my bowels are slow to get going. Perhaps I should have tried that cream of broccoli after all...

As I was finishing lunch, Opal and Lorraine from work dropped in. Very nice to see them both. As I was up anyway, hugs were exchanged, but soon thereafter I lay down. Nice to catch up on some of the news at work.

When Dr. Holmes came by, he reminded me to ask Dr. Stewart about the surgery pathology, something I had forgotten this morning. Had a 5mg morphine shot at 3:30pm.

Fred Apon stopped by at 3:45pm, just as I was nodding off. He was later joined by Harry Huitsing, elder from Bethel church. Nice visit with both of them.

Supper at 5:30pm was very palatable: green beans, mashed potatoes, and roast beef. Good thing there was salt to give it taste.

At 6pm I noticed some steri-strip leakage and a male nurse came to clean it and cover it temporarily with a dry dressing.

Had a neighbourly conversation with my roommate, Siy Deep, now that we're both hallucinating less. ;-) The doctors want to send him home tomorrow but he feels he's not ready to care for himself yet. He should really be in some kind of care facility until his cancer treatments.

Then I went for a shuffle, can't really call it a walk, to the elevator to wait for Cecile. We then came back to the room, 6:45pm to 8:10pm. Got my tax refund! :-)

The rear dressing got changed at 9pm. The front needs changing just once a day now. Got the last IV shunt removed. I can take pills or injections...

At 10pm I asked for some Tylenol-3's and a hot blanket and the nurse blocked the cold air vent. Slept great--no cold hands or feet.

Kept waking up every 45 minutes while sometimes there seemed to be only 5 minute intervals. Every time I woke, I peed. By 4am I had produced 1.3 litres. No significant pain. Kept waking frequently to pee and had another bottle full by 6am.

Then the routine of the day started with cleaning/mopping, taking vital signs, pain assessment, breakfast, two doctor visits. For all these I needed to be woken up. Breakfast was crappy: jello, apple juice and coffee. One sip of coffee was all I could handle, it made me nauseous. Supposedly I can have a shower today. Wow! And then the shower became reality! Darlene had removed all the dressings and packings, so I got an idea of how deep the wounds still are. No idea how deep the rear wound is, though I assume pretty deep. I did notice a swelling and numbness in both butt cheeks next to the wound. Now I know why I can't sit properly without pain.

Lunch was a bit thicker: strained cream of vegetable soup and vanilla pudding. Perhaps real (solid) food tomorrow...

At 1:30pm Cecile came to visit and we went for a walk on the main level, where Vincent caught up with us. We then walked down the stairs to the food court and took the elevator back up. Soon after we got back to 3429, Duncan, Alicia, and Monica came also. Alicia brought a large pot of yellow mums. This was a nice and noisy family visit. By 3pm only Cecile was left. I dozed a bit and 3:40pm the nurses came to take vitals. One of the nurses noted "your temperature is 38.4 Mr. Danen" as if it was my fault... They changed part of my front dressing that was soaked.

Cecile left at 4pm and I went back to sleep.

Got a 5mg morphine shot at 5pm.

Dinner was served at 5:15pm: mushroom soup with too much pepper, chocolate pudding that was much too sweet, apple juice that was still frozen.

Of the days I've been here so far, this one feels the worst. Can't really explain why I'm feeling down...

When the dressing was changed this afternoon, the same nurse who accused me of having a high temperature, went rip-rip-rip to get the dressing off (a week later I still have two blisters). As it turns out, she tore part of the ostomy flange loose so the seal broke. Between 6:30pm and 7pm Donna and Darlene (the dynamic duo) replaced the entire appliance (flange and pouch) as well as the dressing. Donna won't be on shift again until next Thursday. She wished me well, should I be gone by then.

At 7:50pm Vyrle stopped by and stayed until 8:30pm. Wonderful to chat with her, and have her pray with me. God sure knows whom to send when you're down. Bless you Vyrle, for lifting my spirits.

At 3:45AM I wake up with a start when my roommate stands next to my bed, talking to me about his brother having cancer. Seems he has written a song "Denied" which he is singing in Calgary to raise funds for the cancer society. Great cause, I just don't want to learn about this so early in the morning, while I was sleeping so well. Called the nurse and she got him settled down. Seems that Siy is a bit confused at times, causing him to see things that are not there and to bring certain events to the foreground of his mind. After about half an hour I fall asleep again. Still, all things considered, this is the best night of sleep since coming to the hospital, about 8 hours.

One of the nurses commented that once the epidural comes out and my regular morphine flow no longer exists, I'll still be getting morphine shots every 4 hours, or as needed.

My buddy Siy is enjoying breakfast so I asked for some juice and ice water. Orange juice tastes sooo good...

Washed myself in the bathroom. No hooks to hang anything, no shelves to put anything, no electric outlet for my shaver. Somehow managed anyway.

A bit before noon Cecile came with Jean Payne. Jean brought a very nice fuchsia coloured geranium. About ten minutes later Joan and Maria showed up. Very nice visit that ended up with a circle of prayer. Cecile left at 1:50pm.

About Siy's hallucinations, he sees things move next to the garbage, and bugs on the floor. Just wait for my own account later on...

Got my first "see through" lunch today: chicken broth, orange jello, apple juice, and tea.

At 2:40pm my epidural was removed. One less line to worry about when I turn around. The procedure took less than 30 seconds and most of that time was to remove the protective dressing. It felt good having that dressing ripped off after all that itching. So now my pain management arsenal becomes: morphine injection, gravol, and Tylenol-3 with codeine.

At 4:15pm the crew came to remove the catheter. For the next 24 hours I need to pee in the buddy bottle, so they can measure my output. The IV was also taken off, but they left the IV connector so they can give me pectic or benedryl as needed. Darlene is the name of the nurse who removed the catheter. She and I had a very good conversation about being positive. She thought I was very brave and positive and that I was doing great. There was a bit of fluid in my colostomy bag that she drained. She was surprised that I could put the clip on myself afterward. We talked about taking it one step at a time, even for the "big" events in life; and being unable the appreciate the highs in life, unless we've experienced the lows; not making mountains out of molehills; about the meaning of "love means never having to say you're sorry," i.e., you never hurt someone you love.

Reflection on what would have to be accomplished before I go home, I can think of the following:

• incisions healed far enough for Home Care to take over
• bowel working properly with solid food
• knowing how to care for the stoma
• knowing how to clean and replace bags

We'll see if this is correct when I actually do go home.

5:30pm, supper time. The menu consists of beef broth, raspberry jello, orange juice, and tea.

I can now really begin to feel the pain in the rear. I rate it a 4, abdomen rates 3. After 15 minutes of trying finally produced a minimal amount of urine. At least it's a start after the catheter was removed. Give me coffee and I'll produce...

Told nurse Donna about my pain rating and she gave me a 5mg morphine shot with gravol at 7:10pm. Twenty minutes later the pain had gone way down.

Peed some more at 8:15pm. Lisa, the night nurse figured I was not putting out enough. While Lisa was doing something else, another nurse changed my front bandages. By the time Lisa came back, changed the rear bandages, removed the superfluous IV needle, and gave me a hot blanket, I had produced almost half a liter of urine.

At 11pm I could finally go to sleep, but slept very fitfully...

Friday, day 4. Slept really well, even an hour on my left side and an hour on my right side. At 4:30am all pouches were emptied and vital signs recorded.

My dressings will be changed and repacked twice a day from now on. The "packing" is a new concept for me. There were four areas left open to heal from the inside out. Three of those are part of the abdominal incision, and one where the rectum used to be. I was later to find out that this latter hole was 7cm (almost 3 inches) deep. The idea is to have the wound heal from the inside out. Will have to do some more research on MedlinePlus.

The dark-skinned doctor came by at 6:50am and said I could have some apple juice today and that likely tomorrow the epidural and catheter will come out.

Dr. Stewart stopped by and confirmed what the other doctor had said, that I'm doing good, the belly is getting softer, can drink juice and tea, and some of the extra plumbing (epidural and catheter) will be removed this weekend. Dr. Stewart is off this weekend, so I won't see him until Monday.

Siy, my roommate, had his catheter removed, had a shower and a shave, and looks like a new man.

I'm waiting for the nurse to come back from coffee break to get cleaned up. My colostomy bag was leaking a bit, apparently popped the seal.

Dressing was changed and I freshened up a bit. Chris, the nurse, has names for everything: the urine bag is Fred, the IV control unit is Harriet. She washed my back and legs but preferred I do buddy and the boys.

As she was finishing up, Jake and Grace Vos dropped in. I went down to the food court with them in a wheelchair. Sitting in the wheelchair was pretty hard on the belly. We went back to the room and Dr. Holmes popped in and said that according to the charts, everything got removed according to plan.

Then Lorna came in to check on the colostomy bag and she left some information and a colostomy bag and pillow to practice. She will be back on Monday for training.

At 3:30pm several students came to take my vital signs. These gals have little practical experience, but they're willing to learn and they know their jobs won't be easy. The nurses here work 12-hour shifts and even at the end of their shifts, they don't just run off. Very dedicated people.

Walt stopped in at 4:30pm for a bit. We talked about my acceptance of the situation and new lifestyle, and he considers my attitude a gift from God. Psalm 34 has some nice applicable verses.

Phil Henry stopped by for over an hour. Good chatting. Was hoping Cecile would be here in time to meet him but that did not work out. Phil left at 6:45pm and Cecile showed up at 7:15pm. We went for a walk to level 2 and level 1. Cecile had brought my digital camera so I took some pictures. Back on level 3 I got a bit dizzy looking into the sun toward my room. So we took it easy going back to the room. Cecile left at 8:15pm.

Another team of nursing students changed my dressings. Wounds are looking great according to the supervising nurse. Went to sleep at 11pm.

Even with a few interruptions, I slept well. A dark-skinned doctor--he never introduced himself--came to check on the incision and said the dressing would be changed today. He also figured I should get an increase in epidural painkillers. After he left, the epidural pump went into alarm mode for occlusion. These are the same kinds of pumps the CCI uses for their PICC line pumps. Same manufacturer. Can't get away from that nightmare...

Dr. Stewart came to see me around 7:30am. Still no eating or drinking, just IV and ice cubes. And make sure to start walking.

Joan Youngman dropped in at 7:50am, privilege of being a pastor, I guess. We chatted briefly and after a prayer she left, as there were nurses coming and going doing tests, especially for my neighbour. Jessica and Kyla are back again.

Genevive, an older nurse who reminds me of my daughter-in-law's mother, helped me get washed. In the process she knocked over Joan's carnations. Mind you, Joan had already done that herself too...

Jessica started changing the front dressing under Kyla's guidance. They found that the ostomy flange was leaking, so that had to be changed too.

The abdominal incision has three drainage areas where there are no stitches; this is where gauze is packed into. There is also a drainage line into the inside of the abdomen. After Kyla and Jessica come back from their break, they will change the rear dressing.

While they were changing the rear dressing, Irene Apon came in with a very nice floral piece. Shortly thereafter Ed & Leslie came with a plant and two digital photography magazines. Irene left then. A few minutes later Vincent showed up. Just think, there was only a single chair by my bed...

At about 1:40pm I decided I was going for a walk and called one of the nurses to get my IV pole swung around to the other side. Walked all the way to the elevators and back unassisted. Then it was time to get back into bed. Just as I closed my eyes, Gabriella walked in with the most beautiful yellow roses with baby's breath. Dr. Holmes made a quick appearance too. At 4pm I went for another walk and sat in the chair for 15 minutes. I bet I'll sleep well tonight.

After supper Duncan and Alicia came to visit and then Cecile. Around 7pm Cecile and I went for a walk to the main elevators.

Some students, Aimee and Shelley, changed my dressings between 10pm and 11pm. Yes, it took an hour, but I had nowhere else to go...

My nurses today, are Kyla and Jessica, with Bev filling in.

Dr. Stewart stopped in at 7am and he mentioned again how pleased he was with the operation. Everything inside felt and looked good. Won't know the result of biopsies (pathology report) until next week. Can't eat or drink. All I'm allowed is ice cubes. I guess they don't want to wake up the guts too soon and possibly damage something.

Walt came to visit around 11am. Must have had a good chat, but all I remember is a Scripture reference to Paul's running the race. I guess in a sense I am running that race too, to the finish. Cecile came in shortly after Walt. He prayed with both of us before he left, which I really appreciated. Cecile stayed around until 2:30pm. Before that time though, I sat up in bed and Cecile gave me a quick wash. Kyla wanted me to get up and walk, but I just could not manage it with the pain. Several times a day, the nurses did a pain assessment and would ask the patient to rate his/her pain on a scale of 0-10, with 0 being no pain, and where the most painful spot was. At that particular moment I rated my pain 7-8. An anesthetist was called in who gave me a booster shot of morphine--great stuff. Half an hour later I got out of bed, with Kyla's help, and walked to the nurse's station and back. When I came back, I sat in the visitor's chair when Ayoma and Lak came to visit. They brought some nice red carnations. They did not stay long because I was anxious to get back into bed--my butt really started aching. It was a very nice visit though, and through the haze I seem to recall they prayed with me.

About 5:15pm a very lovely bouquet was delivered from Catherine, Mike, and Christopher.

Pain management is really the key to getting well fast. Before the morphine boost, I could barely sit up, after it I could walk to the nurse's station. Considering that room 3429 is at the end of that nursing unit, that's a good distance for someone's first walk. It's all about getting the patient mobile, so muscles and nerves are used and do not stagnate. Blood circulation is also an important factor, to prevent blood clotting. And then there's the gadget that helps a person to use his full lung capacity to prevent pneumonia.

I had several "hookups" to help the healing process. There was the regular IV with saline solutions. They also used the IV to feed me with stomach remedies (liquid Tums) and whatever else was needed. Also on the IV pole, but under separate control, was the epidural feed of morphine. There were two outputs, one a urine bag attached to a catheter, and an abdominal fluid drain, or JP (named after the inventors Jack & Pratt).

Today the JP looks a lot clearer, a Kool-Aid colour... It's draining a lot though, so it needs to be emptied frequently. The kidneys and bladder are working well and regularly filling the urine bag, despite the ice cube-only diet.

Coincidences? Jessica asked Cecile if she ever goes to Glimpse, turns out Jessica is a regular there. Bev asked me where Cecile worked, and then where I lived, because Cecile looked familiar to her. Turns out she lives only a few blocks away from us (35 St & 121 Ave).

Maria Smith stopped in for half an hour, just before 8pm.

Had a restful night, five hours of good sleep, and it's off to the hospital. "Talk" to you again in one to two weeks.

A tulip for all of you, my friends, and God bless you!

Surgery today at 7:45AM. Have to be at the Royal Alex at 6AM and report to Outpatient Admitting. I guess I go home again today...

For the entries of my hospital stay, there was so much information, that at times I repeat myself. I have tried to write down as much as I could, but the first four or five days I hardly remember, due to heavy morphine medication... I have done little editing, so you'll see a mix of past and present tense.

Arrived at Royal Alex Hospital (RAH) at 5:50am and went through Patient Registration. Then went up to Unit 32 where I changed into a fashionable gown. Some more tests were done and they tried getting an IV started but could not get a proper vein. Unlike the CCI, RAH does not use hot packs as a standard procedure.

Around 7:00am, a porter came to take me to the patient holding area. I felt sorry for Cecile saying goodbye. She looked distressed and was not able to get the words out. In the holding area, medical history was taken again and I got a sexy blue hat to wear. Both Dr. Stewart and Dr. Schiller came to see me. Dr. Schiller was going to assist Dr. Stewart by working on my bottom end.

At 7:30 I was rolled into operating theatre 6. Why do they call it a theatre? There are no movies... First order of business was to insert an IV line, which they could not get at Unit 32. Then the anesthetist inserted the epidural. He said, "you'll start to feel sleepy now," and next thing I know, I'm in the recovery room (around 12:30 if my blurred mind remembers correctly).

While I am coming to, the nurses are looking for my epidural IV bag. They can't find it, so they order a new one from the RAH's pharmacy. I actually overhear a call coming through, asking where I am. That must be Cecile trying to find out at Unit 32 where I am, more than two hours later than expected. Finally at about 1:45pm, everything is sorted out and I'm going to room 3429. Cecile and Vincent are waiting in the corridor, visibly relieved.

When the nurses have settled me into bed and hooked me up, Cecile and Vincent are allowed into the room. It's a semi-private room, and I have bed 2, with the window view. Vincent left shortly after that to go do some work. Dr. Stewart stopped by at 4:15pm and said everything went well, and he filled in the insurance form for my medical benefits. Cecile stayed till about 4:30pm.

Bed 1 in the room was empty until at about 10pm, an emergency patient was brought in. This fellow, 84-year old Mr. Siy Deep, made noises all night, from snoring, coughing, groaning, to talking in his sleep. Needless to say that between his noises and the nurses and doctors attending to him, I did not get a lot of sleep.

Bowel Prep day 2...

Spent some time outside today, even though it was cool. Took the laptop and the camera out to take some pictures and write some emails. Even though we're expecting colder weather for the end of this week, I expect the weeds to be a lot taller when I get back home. The marsh marigolds are blooming in the pond. Nice one!

Bowel Prep day 1.

Well, that was fun... After feasting on jello, tea, and beef broth all day, I drank a bottle of citro-mag (magnesium citrate) over a period of 45 minutes and waited for things to happen. It was not as bad as I imagined it to be, but better safe than sorry.

Today was a gorgeous day. 23°C and barely a cloud in the sky. As a matter of fact, I am sitting outside at 9:30PM, writing this update...

I found from several sources that sweet peas can be planted real early, so I planted twelve this afternoon. I still have twelve inside, so I should be safe. Planting these few plants left me exhausted, a sign that I am indeed not well, and it reinforced what we were told yesterday, that I'm going to have to take it real easy after surgery. I've made arrangements that my son Vincent will help plant things. His only condition was that I'd be there to tell him what to do. I think we have a deal. Thanks, son!

Had the kids and their families over for supper, as well as two special longtime friends (what, over 30 years?). After the mandatory photos had been taken, Alicia had to try my camera and take opa's picture.

We initially wanted to do this family supper on Sunday, but after yesterday's instructions, I thought it better for today. The nurse told us that we should have no kids around because they might get creamed when I had to dash for the bathroom. What a lovely thought.

I asked Cecile to bring me a tulip from the garden every day when she comes to visit. Don't want to lose that connection with the garden, and it will help motivate me to get better.

Have to be at the hospital at 7:45 for the pre-admission clinic. Better get up real early.

Got up at 4AM so the plumbing would not give me trouble when we got to the Royal Alex. We were done around 12:30, and had numerous sessions. First a training session to help us become familiar with what would happen before and after surgery, pain management options, and care when we go home. When I say "we", there were other "to be" patients in that orientation session with Cecile and myself. Then Cecile and I occupied a private room for the duration of the morning.
First Gwen (RN) came to discuss my medical history, and talked about "bowel prep." Do you really want to know, Fran?
While talking to Gwen, someone else came in to take blood samples, some 4 or 5 vials. However, this person was kind of a klutz. She's poking in an area where there is supposed to be a vein, and when I go ouch, she asks if she is hurting me. Duh... So Gwen said not to let anybody touch me on Tuesday unless they had a hot towel on my vein first. Also, after the bad poker left, a young lady came in to do an ECG. While we were talking to Gwen, this gals goes ahead and puts stickers with electrodes on me, and all of a sudden she is yanking them off. She was done...

After what seemed a real long time (I had Cecile put a blanket on me because I was cold, and fell asleep), Donna came in to talk about the stoma, what it was, why that's a "good" thing, and figured out where it will be located. You really want visuals here, right Fran? ;) Donna was such a joy to work with, reminded me of the CCI staff. She even joked with Cecile that this is her way to get guys to drop their pants for her... Of course if she thinks that loosening one's belt is the same as dropping pants, well, what can I say?

Then, the totally opposite kind of person came in, a Dr. Tooz (?). He was talking to me because I have high blood pressure, and he first of all questioned my family doctor's opinion whether my BP was under control. I guess for him, under control means darn near normal. He asked all kinds of questions, one of them, and how is your bladder function at night? Helpful person that I am, I was going to take him from "before" to "today", but he goes like, never mind, how about now. So much for interview techniques to glean more information...

After that, some chest x-rays, and we were on our way.

Got 7.5 mm of rain yesterday. Must be those April showers bringing the May flowers. And my first tulip has opened today! Had an interview this afternoon for an article for the Alberta Gardener magazine. Very cool! Don't know when it will be published.

Cecile and I spent a few hours at a staff appreciation function at Northlands. I was touched by the General Manager's public well wishes in front of the whole group. Thank you, Ken. Thanks also to Opal for a very nice lunch, and I don't just mean the food...

My blue koi died today. Seems like when koi die, they die in pairs. In 2002 I had two of them die, about six weeks apart. Perhaps they miss their buddies? But if it had to die, I'm glad it did not happen while I was in the hospital, or I likely would have blamed Cecile.

Laptop ETA is May 3-5 timeframe. Would be nice to get it before I go into the hospital...

Tried watching some movies, but could not keep my mind on them. I guess I'm somewhat distracted or stressed now that I know when D-Day is. And it's raining outside, so I'll go and reply to a few more emails. :)

So how do I really feel? A bit nervous, but not really afraid. I have faith in God and the medical staff...

Received confirmation today from the Royal Alexandra hospital that the surgery will indeed be on May 4th, and the pre-admission clinic will be Friday morning.

Somebody asked, "so you opted for surgery?" Surgery has never been an option to choose. The first round of treatments was to reduce the tumor so that when it was time for the surgery, the doctors did not have to cut away tissue and organs that were in the way. Without the surgery, I would be facing cancer again in a year. With the surgery, I can live to a ripe old age (I'm shooting for 80).

Another question, "why did the doctor never order a full colonoscopy for you?" I was always under the impression that a colonoscopy had to be scheduled several months in advance. The real answer is that they would not have been able to do one as the cancer was all around the colon wall and they would not have been able to get the equipment through. A colonoscopy will probably be done within six months of the operation.

The big shocker at the doctor's today was that chemo might be another six months... Wow, another surprise... I don't really need these kinds of surprises.

Dr. Stewart has already told me that the stoma will be above the belt, and then the ostomy attaches to the stoma and the bag hangs below the belt. Wondering whether the belt would obstruct the feces, he said it should not. Perhaps I should look into suspenders... Mind you, he was just eyeballing it. The final location (X marks the spot) will be determined during the pre-admission clinic.

Had a wonderful chat with Chris about her prayer group and what is happening there. Keep the faith, young lady!

Had a very good conversation with Pastor Walt last night. We got talking about St. Paul's journeys and his shipwreck experiences. The sailors he was with just wanted a "Fair Haven" to survive the storms. I have lately been led to the idea of writing about my experiences, and Pastor Walt reinforced the idea. Of course my first thought was, "yeah right, you're not good enough for this." But why won't I let the public and the publishers decide? If you look at the premise that one in three Albertans will be affected by cancer before they die (not sure about North American statistics), and secondly that gardening is the number one hobby in North America, and thirdly, doesn't everybody look for that PEACE that (among others) a garden could bring? Could this be the torch that Sharon wrote about?

The laptop has shipped, but it's in the US. I thought I bought from Dell Canada?

Saw Dr. Stewart this afternoon and the scoop is that as soon as his office can schedule me, I'm going under the knife. Surgery is typically done on Tuesdays, so it can be as early as May 4th. He could not give the exact date, as he has no control over the Royal Alex's resources.

Before surgery there will be a pre-admission clinic of about three hours of information and instructions. At that time, they will also mark the location of the ostomy. Two days before the surgery I needs to start emptying my bowels so they're clean. Surgery lasts 2.5 to three hours at which time three incisions are made, one general incision from below the rib cage to about the bladder area, one for the stoma, and one to remove the rectum. (Removal of the rectum is still needed because there is still not enough room to attach the colon after the cancer has been cut out.)

Recovery will be a week to ten days in the hospital, after which I go home and Home Care will assist the first little while with the "appliance" changes, and re-dressing of wounds. At home recovery will be about two months.

One month after I go home, I see Dr. Stewart again, and also Dr. Pedersen, the oncologist, for chemo consideration. According to Dr. Stewart, follow-up chemo is fairly certain, but not a 100% given. Should chemo be needed, I'm looking at another six months before returning to work.

BMs are just fine now. No pain, just the mucous discharge at VERY regular intervals, every one to two hours.

Today would have been my dad's 83rd birthday, had he not passed away of cancer in 1984.

Actually got an email wondering why there were no updates for a few days... I'm impressed! Thanks for your faithfulness, Edward!

I feel I have to share some physical stuff under this column, rather than the left side column. For whatever reason, I am hornier than I have been in years. I am really puzzled. During the treatment days and the few weeks after that, I figured it was to prove I could still get it up. There was also the oncologist's comment when I said I was not impotent, and he replied, "not yet." There's a cold shower...

Nancy M. tells me there is a Canadian Cancer Society Relay For Life coming up on May 28th. Check the CCS website for details about participating or volunteering. While on the CCS site, you'll also see that April is Daffodil Month. Please donate generously!

You may have noticed a two day gap in the diary. Nothing to worry about, just had nothing to say other than spending a fair bit of time outside.

Picked up some laptop accessories today from Purolator. Got all those now, so now I wait for the laptop.

Looks like my mystery bud (see 17th) is a martagon after all.

Scanned some photos that Cecile took during my last day of treatments on March 12th.

BM pain is on again and off again. I guess the inside tissue is healing, but slower than I expected.

BMs are painful again. Bummer... Yet considering it's been a month since my last treatments, everything has MUCH improved in that month!

Recovering from yesterday. Not ready for prime time, I'd say.

On a brighter note, the BMs are now almost painless, though still frequent.

Very tired today. Over-did it going to the annual staff meeting at work, which started at 8:30AM (felt more like 7:30AM as we just went to daylight savings time). Considering that I only had about three hours of sleep last night, and then the early morning, I found I kept falling asleep all day... Yikes...

Much colder today, and a few hours of rain this morning. Took the fun out of garden cleaning, so I filled just one bag today.

Happy birthday, Fred! I'll save the "insulation" straw and leaves for your new garden.

Found out today that Donna had a lumpectomy last week. Donna, God is not done with you yet. Breast cancer and colon cancer are close relatives, so I can relate. Call if you want to talk...

Also found out that Joevan's wife has cancer, and I just pray that God will lay His healing hand on both ladies.

Lovely day to chop some more ice, and now the pond is ice free...

Getting some emails that people don't really know what to say to a person with cancer. I used to feel that way too, and it still is hard. The important thing is to make contact with that special person and tell them you don't know what to say...

The contact makes the difference. The reply may surprise you!

Update on the physical side:

Pain - down to discomfort during bowel movements; skin is much better (starting to peel).

Fatigue - still sleeping 10 to 12 hours a day.

Radiation damage - bladder and urinary tract have definitely shrunk, resulting in more frequent and sometimes painful bathroom trips; no pubic hair growing back yet; very diminished sexual appetite; frequent mucous discharge results in bowel incontinence.

Although the physical side still shows problems, I'm not bogged down by them. I look forward to every new day, especially with spring approaching.

Any good April Fool's jokes I should know about?

Thank you Karen, for an uplifting message about God's Cake.

I have discontinued updating the patient symptom record as of today. Not much to report anymore, until the next round of chemo.

Had a really good night. Went to bed at 10:30 and woke up only once before 6:30AM.
The pain in the backside is getting better, but the mucous discharge is not, so I need to stay close to bathrooms...

Some people wonder why the doctors had not prescribed anything for the hemorrhoids. They had, but I guess the first priority was to reduce the impact from burns from the radiation treatment. That is starting to show its effectiveness now. I am two days without codeine (maybe that's why I hardly slept last night). But my skin itches, and when I rub certain places, skin comes off like from a sunburn.

Appointment with Dr. Stewart, my surgeon, is on April 26, 3:45PM.

Getting some good info from a friend about treating hemorrhoids. Will definitely have to look into some of these options.

Went to the 2004 Home and Garden show at Northlands, and afterward visited with my staff and other friends at work. Not enough time to visit more...
Cliff suggested I write a book about my experiences and call it "Pain In The Ass." Not sure about that title, though...

Except for the hemorrhoids, life seems to be getting better. Mind you, I'm still getting chemo out of my system. I'm tempted to turn off the light to see if it glows in the dark... ;-)

Not much to do today, so I got a haircut. Two people told me in the last few weeks that with my weight loss, I look like a "chick magnet." What do they mean by that? ;-)
I find it very meaningful, that my support family (that includes family, friends, co-workers, and sometimes total strangers) continues to be so active. I don't think there has been a day that I have not received a note of encouragement, a visit, a phone call, or a humorous or inspirational message. I may have said it before, but if I haven't, my experience has been different in the past where my family members were asked how I was doing, but no direct contact would be made. The last three months I have seen the better side of people. I do believe that God works in many hearts, and it stirs mine.
If you ever get to watch CNBC's Cover to Cover, there is an episode that is repeating yet worth watching. It deals with Lance Williams' bout with leukemia.

Although BMs are still painful, at least wiping is getting better. Must be that the burnt skin is healing.

You may have noticed that I am still updating my patient symptom record. I hope that soon the number under pain will start to drop...

Well, I spoke too soon. Last night I was awake more than asleep. Ouch...

Managed almost six hours of sleep last night, without having to run to the bathroom. I can use more of those nights...

The hole where the PICC line was removed on Friday, is healing very nicely. I wish I could say the same about the burn area...

So what's ahead now? First, I need to make an appointment with Dr. Stewart for the week of April 19th. He will then schedule the surgery, likely in the first half of May. About 10 days in the hospital to recover. Then another round of chemo to bring us somewhere into June and possibly back to work in July, but more likely August.

Last RT session and removal of PICC line, chemo pump and chemo bag. They would not let me take the PICC line home, so we'll see if Cecile's pictures works out.
BMs are still very painful, and so is sitting. Falling asleep after a night time BM can take 30 minutes to an hour. Codeine to the rescue...

Here are some photos of the last treatments.

No blood work and no nurse's visit today. Probably because I'm not getting more chemo tomorrow. Works for me.

Angela drove me today, and she had a peek at the treatment room. "Such a big room, and such a big machine," was her reaction. I guess it's a bit overwhelming seeing it for the first time.

Had a good conversation with Caitlin from Manulife, my STD insurance company. Not having been on Short Term Disability before, I am in a bit of unfamiliar territory, and we spoke quite a long time about treatment plans and what a typical day looked like for me. Interesting that with all the forms doctors fill in, they don't give as much information as the insurance companies would like. The doctors just answer the questions, but the insurance company does not necessarily know what questions to ask in an individual case.

RT early again. Are they trying to make my last few days happy days?

Saw Dr. Pedersen for the last time. I guess I will see him again in 2.5 months or so for after-surgery chemo.

Had not counted on the chemo treatments after the surgery, but I guess it will be part of the program... That chemo will happen at the CCI, and not via a PICC line. I imagine that depending on the duration of that treatment, I may show more side effects than I have to date.

At least, after Friday, I will not have to visit the CCI for a while. I've asked the RT technicians if Cecile could check out the treatment room on Friday and they said that was OK.

RT was early again. Done at 2:15, originally the start time of my RT session.

Had a visit from Walt and Rob. Rob has some form of Hepatitis C and needs to inject himself with chemo once a week. Then he is sick for 2 or 3 days. Yikes. Makes my treatment seem like a pleasure trip...

Uneventful RT.

Last week of treatment! 

Gave Dennis some lily seeds, a NALS QB, and a lily catalog. Good luck, Dennis, and when they bloom, bring some down to RT6!

Spent the day sitting around the house like a trucker...

All the prescribed ointments for the "sunburn" seem to be just stopgap measures. They work as long as I don't have to go bathroom... I'm relying on codeine and Tylenol to get me through these next few weeks.

Alicia came with us to the Apon open house for Alida's baby. Very nice visit with good friends.

After that, she and Cecile made me a very good tasting pizza: mushroom, ham and pineapple.

Bathroom time used to be for playing Solitaire, now it's hell. Can't even get a decent game in these days... Perhaps I'll just stop eating the next couple of weeks.

Final chemo change! Just like two weeks ago, there was no blood return when they flushed the PICC line. So we did the x-rays and PTA routine and then there was a proper blood return.

I feel like celebrating. One more week of treatment. It seems like such a long time ago since I started on January 30th.

One observation that's rather subtle. On the PSR they only ask about fatigue but not about energy. Even though I don't feel tired, I have very little energy to do something. Wazzup???

Granddaughter Alicia is with us for a sleep-over, so we went to the mall this evening to have some A&W burgers, did a bit of shopping and then spent some time in the pet store.

Blood count still holding good.

The nurse, Brenda, followed up on the doctor's recommendations and said not even to use toilet paper, but just a bottle of water. Paul suggested I should get a bidet. I'll see how the bottle works first.The nurse also pointed out that even though next week is my last week of radiation, the effects won't be gone for two or three more weeks. So putting on a brave face and saying, "I can handle another week," is foolish... OK, I'll keep that in mind.

Symptoms are very painful BMs and slight rectal bleeding. Hemorrhoids are developing also...

I was kind of glad the RT computer had problems today. Gave me a chance to talk to one of the nurses about the treatment. The Clinac 21EX machine is used to deliver electron beams for skin and near skin radiation, while it uses photons for organ radiation as in my case. The reason for my sunburn or diaper rash, is the radiation from the front. It is set to have maximum power at the growth position and since it is near the back of my body, there is still a lot of energy that hits the skin on the way out. Very interesting.

And by the way, they use green lasers to line me up with the RT equipment. I've only seen red and white before...

I'm thinking that had I known what I wanted to do after high school, I might have been in the medical field (or a gardener)...

Just found out that Darlene's uncle passed away, so Pat will be driving tomorrow instead. My condolences to Darlene and her family.

Saw Dr. Pedersen after RT, and he suggested not using soap on the sunburn area. Well, let's try that...

Nice lunch with Tim today. Not the toolman, but... ;-) Tim figured I looked 10 years younger than six weeks ago, and who am I to argue!?

Pain in the behind is still there. Other than that, the physical side is OK.

If you haven't seen it yet, the Patient Symptom Record shows the side effects chemo is having on me.

While I'm not looking forward to increased severity of side effects, I AM looking forward to the end of treatments by the end of next week.

Got a small fluorescent light so I can sort my lily seeds. Don't want to plant duds now, do we? Last fall I did not have a chance to sort them, so everything went into the freezer. That's a job for this coming week.

Received an email from Phil which I did not read until today, with some very good insights about our culture.

Tingling is back, but now in the whole hand, right more than left.

BMs are now very painful due to a tear in the skin. I think the creams made the skin soft, so now I'm keeping everything dry...

Signed up for digital cable and went to get some planting pots and soil to plant lily seeds.

Compared to last week Friday, everything went very well today, except that we had to wait for my file to come from RT up to Daycare. Next week I'll ask if I can just take it along...
Got good blood return on the first try. :-)

Two thirds of treatments done, and doing very well. Nice that Pat came early, so we could have coffee before we left. I hope you made it home in time to see Ray off.

Another good blood count! Everything went very smooth today. Ed was early, so the bloodletting was done almost right away, and they took me 25 minutes early for RT.
My fingers don't seem to tingle and my chest, neck, and head ache is much better than a week ago. The nurse thought they had reduced the chemo last week and that might have been a factor, but I checked the dose against the first week, and it's the same...

Feeling better than a week ago sure leaves me thankful to God. I guess, one can only appreciate these blessings when you experience them yourself.
Got a very nice email from Joelle today. She writes, "I once heard that prayers when viewed from heaven look like stars; some shine bright as a planet and little ones are just blips in the dark. Tonight I will say a prayer of hope for you that will shine like Venus." Wow, thanks Joelle!

Dr. Pedersen prescribed 2 creams to combat the diaper rash. He did not seem too concerned that the PICC line had moved. As far as he's concerned this stuff can even be taken orally. I wonder what would remain of the stomach after that...

I guess the insurance form run-around is the same everywhere. Need an update by the "attending physician" so my short-term disability (STD) continues after March 12th. And with privacy legislation in place, I need to sign disclaimers everywhere... Oh well, as long as they keep paying me. And this is supposed to be a stress-free time...
Had a chat with Dennis today about the radiation equipment. It's properly called a linear accelerator, a fancy name for a souped-up x-ray machine. This particular one is made by Varian Medical Systems and called a Clinac 21EX.
Got an email from Sheri from Calgary yesterday, noting she has a friend in the same situation as myself. She says, "I believe your faith, family and friends has and will see you through this." I call that the 3 F's. Combine that with a sense of humour and there's a formula for healing and recovery!

RT team was taking extra x-rays today. The doctor wanted to shield a bit more of the colon. The reason is that the tumor has shrunk so there is no need to radiate tissue unnecessarily...
The "diaper rash" is getting to be a real pain. I can understand now why babies cry all the time when they have it.

I shaved my beard off this morning. Considering that I survived last week's nose bleed, I figured cutting myself shaving would not be too bad. I'll have to keep an eye on my blood results, I guess.
Did some birthday shopping after RT for Angela.
Duncan and Alicia were over for supper and we watched "The Gods Must Be Crazy II" and we all had a good laugh.

RT was running about half an hour late. Hmmm, another Monday...

First RT of the second half of treatments. Getting to know the staff quite well. Was chatting with Dennis about lilies and how he bought lilies (for sale to eat) at the Chinese supermarket, and then planted them instead. They produced small Turks cap flowers, so I assume it's a species lily...

Not much happened this weekend, except to enjoy time off without complications! :)

Long day at CCI today. RT went as scheduled, but when the time came to change the pump, we started running into delays. Not getting a blood return when flushing the line was not acceptable to the nurses, so I was sent for x-rays to see if the line was still in place. Turns out the line was still in the aorta, but barely. Apparently the line had been pulled out about 1 to 1.5 inches (2.5 to 4cm), in my mind due to all the mucking around with dressings and such.
Anyway, after Dr. Pedersen was consulted, they injected something called PTA, an anti-clotting drug. Half an hour later, there was a blood return, but only if I had my arm in a certain position.

I'm thankful for Darlene's patience. She picked me up at 1:30 and dropped me off at 5:40 and she had to be at work at 6PM. Darlene seemed genuinely interested in all that was taking place. Professional interest, I guess. Perhaps I should take her along every day so she can ask questions I would not think of... ;-)
All things considered, I think the first half of treatment went very well. Side effects of the chemo are minimal and as far as RT is concerned, just some hair loss and a bit of a rash.
On to the second half...

Blood count was good again today. And am I glad for that. About 9:45PM my nose started bleeding while picking at something. If my platelet count had been below the normal limit, it would have meant a trip to the emergency.

Had a nice visit with Paul driving back and forth and waiting for blood tests, radiation, and then the nurse. You're good company, Paul!

Lovely flowers came today from Molly Maid, Cecile's employer, with sympathy wishes. Very thoughtful.

Had the PICC dressing changed after yesterday's pictures. The connector piece kept moving down over time and there was a real possibility of kinking the line.
The doctor prescribed cortisone suppositories to reduce bowel movement (BM) pain.
The chest pain did not appear to be of immediate concern...

6AM: head ache is a bit less, but still have that chest pain.
Noon: feeling MUCH better. :)

Starting to lose some pubic hair due to radiation, but not on my head...
Took some pictures of the PICC line as I had the dressing off. Gives a better idea than my earlier photos.

Starting to get a major head ache, and also chest pains--can't breathe deeply.
I guess I'm more than "feeling" tired. Slept till 11AM when Vincent, Ang, and Jayden dropped by. Then had a good nap in the afternoon.
Good thing they gave me spare batteries for Alfred. He needed them at about 11PM, just after I fell asleep.

"Alfred" has not kept me awake and is quietly pumping the chemo.
CCI called to make sure the pump was infusing. Good follow-up!
Had a surprise visit from Art & Jen from Camrose this afternoon. Thanks, guys!
That visit and the fact I have a working pump leave me thankful for this day. My anxiety level is back down to where it was before...

Now a bit of tingling in my left hand too. And two nails on my right hand are very sensitive...
The %^&%& pump is driving me batty. It reports occlusion (blockage) for no good reason. Started as soon as I woke up. Fighting with it off and on all day, until at 8PM I decided I wanted to sleep. Called the Cross and they had a different pump for me. They changed the dressing and taped the line straight instead of coiled. They figured there would be less chance of kinking that way. When they flushed the line with saline, they could not get a blood return. What they do is push saline through the line and then pull the plunger back and blood is supposed to come back if everything is ok. No blood return, but the saline went in just fine, so they sent me on my way.
Only woke up once, at 2AM, then slept 6 hours straight. That's a record for me... Feels wonderful. But then frustration with the pump followed soon after that. Time to re-focus! Just after that Rita called to see how I was doing and she helped me focus on healing and the Healer, instead of the frustrations with a piece of equipment.
I'm glad Vincent was available to drive me to get the new pump, because I could not get a hold of Cecile at her dinner. So "Betsy" was exchanged for "Alfred." So far he's doing a better job. :-)

5AM we had to go to the Cross due to the pump more and more frequently beeping. The nurse on duty flushed the PICC line, and changed the dressing. Flushing the PICC line however did not solve the problem, so I waited for staff in Daycare to show up. They redid the dressing because it seemed the line had twisted. At 8AM they disconnected the pump and at 1PM I was to get a new pump, so for a few hours I was a free man...
Well, 1PM became 3PM because Dr. Pedersen wanted to see me. Thus my charts were in the RT area and not in Daycare where the pump gets changed. So I saw the doctor, then had the radiation, then went back upstairs. Daycare was so busy that it took an hour and a half to get the new chemo. All in all, I had the PICC dressing changed three times today. I like the last one the best, because it's a dry dressing (not the clear plastic previously used). I can take this dressing off when I watch TV and the sores resulting from previous dressings can heal.
Took advantage of not having "Betsy" to take a shower. Had to use shrink wrap to keep the PICC line dry, but it was well worth it. I did not realize how much I value little things like being able to take a shower.
Not having slept well last night due to the PICC acting up, and then being at the Cross early in the morning and again this afternoon, I just feel pooped.
I am looking forward to an uneventful long weekend...

Happy birthday, Vincent! :-)
Blood was good today! Somebody was wondering about my hair...haven't lost any so far.
About 5PM the pump is doing weird things. Every half hour to an hour it starts beeping and flashing a red light and a message that says OCCLUSION. Yikes. Good thing I'm getting the chemo replaced tomorrow anyway.
One third of the radiation treatments are done...

Mentioned the tingling to Dr. Pedersen and he wants to see me again on Friday.
He can give me suppositories for the pain in the rear, but he figures the codeine will work well too, and keep me out of diarrhea land.
The Medical Terms page I have been working on is almost done. Don't be grossed out too much, it's all part of the human condition...
Condolences to Cecile and her family with the passing of her mother. She was 94. We know she is in a better place now.
Lots of visitors today. Did not even have time for a nap... :)

Computer network at the CCI was down. The appointment time I got for tomorrow is different from what I originally received. I guess I'll find out tomorrow which one is right...
Thanks for driving today, Ed, but next time you should come inside. There's much to see, and we can keep talking...

Second week of treatment started of with a half hour delay due to equipment failure. I'm glad my patient daughter-in-law was with me, so I wasn't bored.
The cold seems a lot better today, thank God!

The odd tingling sensation in my right hand. I need to mention this to the doctor next week, or it could result in nerve damage.
Starting to have more pain during bowel movements, but less while sitting. Probably a result of the cancer shrinking.
Mostly been vegging this weekend. Haven't got rid of my cold yet, so I may go see my family doctor and see if antibiotics may do the trick. I'll check with the nurse first tomorrow.
Other than that not much change. Watched some cute movies on TBS: "Ever After," "Wedding Planner," and "Fools Rush In." History channel was showing "Where Eagles Dare" which I'd seen before, but a good flick to see again.

RT went really quick today. They called me early, and I was done in 7 or 8 minutes. Then to get the chemo recharged. Was sitting next to a gentleman who was having his third treatment and then 3 weeks off. He thought the 24/7 pump was a heck of a deal.
Looking forward to two days not having to visit the CCI, and hope that I can put my cold to bed.
Thanks for your visit this afternoon, Cathy. I enjoyed it very much!

Speaking of miracles, Sharon (see Jan 27/04) encourages me to keep in my spirit the phrase "I am a miracle waiting to happen." What a powerful thought to hang on to... Thank you, Sharon, for spending time to share and to pray with me over the phone.
Had to pick up some stuff at work, so did some visiting while I was there. Good to see everybody so busy and that Ed is having similar memory lapses as I used to have. One day at a time, Ed!

Good thing we were 15 minutes early as a "blood donation" was needed. After the RT, I met with the nurse who told me, among other things, that my blood counts were fine. The meeting with the nurse is to assess how well I'm doing and decide if they should lower the chemo dose the day after.
I'm beginning to see a pattern:
Monday and Tuesday, just radiation;
Wednesday, RT plus see Dr. Pedersen;
Thursday, blood work, RT, and see the nurse;
Friday, RT, and get the chemo changed...

Happy birthday to my sister, Leni!
Something to ponder: when they say "I've slept like a baby" does that mean they woke up every two hours? I have slept for twelve hours a night with only two or three bathroom calls, a miracle for me...
Fortunately, Dr. Pedersen sees his patients on Wednesdays. I wanted to talk to him anyway because of my cold (sore throat, head ache, fever). So after radiation, I saw him and he said not to worry about it, "you're fine," he said. Except for the bottom end of the plumbing, I guess... He told me to expect to start passing mucous. Too late, already there...

Wow, everything was cooperating today. The appointment was at 3:30 and by 3:45 we were driving out of the parkade. As I'm laying on the table to get roasted, I'm counting seconds for each of the four beams, and I come to 9 or 10 seconds for each blast. I asked the technician afterward how long the blasts were supposed to be (I originally understood 30 seconds for each). Turns out there is a specific dose to be delivered, and once that's done, the machine stops.
Slept for a whole twelve hours last night. Except for being tired, and the pain, I still feel OK. My radiated skin feels a bit itchy, but it's not red.

Had to restart the chemo pump last night. It started beeping, so I checked the tubes, pressed start, and it was back up. Must be a computer in that pump... Interestingly, there are air bubbles in the chemo tubes that get into the bloodstream. Good thing they told me that might happen, and that I should not worry about it. There is actually an air filter between the pump and the PICC line.
Second RT treatment came off without a hitch, although they were running half an hour behind schedule and the computer system with the appointments was down...
Foggy when we left for CCI this morning, but beautiful sunshine when we came back home. Good thing Cecile drove because I had taken a Codeine tablet before we left. They're good "happy pills."
Phil emailed an article called "Hope a Powerful Health Ally." Thanks, my friend!

First day of a brand new month, full of therapy, 19 sessions to be exact. I'll be counting down for sure.
Good quote: "If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive." (Eleonora Duse)
Went for a drive out to Elk Island Park. After a few days of snow, the sun was out and it was very nice to just drive around God's Creation and take some pictures.
Starting to get rid of my cold, I think.

My PICC line was bothering me last night, but much better today. I'm now sitting at 17 mL infused despite the rather sharp bend in the line. Better get that looked at on Monday.
Definitely have a cold, raw throat and coughing.
This is NOT a good time to have a cold, but better now, before my immune system can't handle it anymore... And, as Jason so aptly puts it, "one day at a time."
Had a few naps during the day to help get rid of my cold.
Talked to my sister about coming over in June. I told her that I'm celebrating my birthday on June 26th instead of December 26th from now on and she thinks it's a great idea.

First RT (Radiation Therapy) session today. I thought it would be four beams at the same time from four directions, but the machine actually rotates around the body, first they did the front, then the back, and then each side. Thirty seconds for each "shot" for a total of two minutes per day. Over the six weeks, I'm looking at getting cooked for an hour in total. My RT team consists of Dennis, Sue, and Anna.
After RT, I went to daycare where they hooked me up with the chemo pump. I carry the pump, chemo bag, and tubes in a fanny pack. Contrary to previous information, I cannot take showers, because the pump is an electronic device that will stop functioning when it gets moist. It looks like the chemo bag will be replaced every Friday, as opposed to the daily RT's.
Both procedures were painless, but that's no surprise. There's a reason why there is so much emphasis on the side effects, not on the treatment itself.

I am now looking for cute volunteer girls to give me sponge baths. ;-) OK, maybe not...
I find that communication between the various departments at CCI is not always 100%, so I need to tell the staff sometimes, that no I'm not here for this, but for that. It pays to pay attention but not let it upset me. There's this quote, "don't worry about the small stuff--it's ALL small stuff," that really applies. As long as they don't cut off the wrong leg...
Around supper time my guts are starting to feel a bit queasy, and I'm running a bit of a temperature. Better keep an eye on that. Mind you, the crazy cold weather we've experienced the last week, don't help much to be healthy. Driving home from the treatment this morning, it was a complete white-out in a few areas of the city.

Appointment with Dr. Holmes. As Tylenol and Ibuprofen are not good to use during treatment, he has prescribed Codeine. I like "happy pills." Blood pressure pills seem to be working, so he's given me a 3 month prescription.
Slept really well last night. The PICC line did not bother me a bit, although taking a shower with a saran-wrapped arm is a novel experience. Have to keep that dressing dry.

PICC line insertion at the CCI. That was a rather painless affair, were it not for a mix-up in the appointments... Oh well, eventually everything got sorted out.
After the line was put in they checked BP (still high despite the drugs), temperature, and whether my fingers were getting oxygen. I guess the rationale is that if my finger tip gets enough, then my brain and heart are getting enough too...
Darn, I can't shovel snow, do dishes, or anything like that with my new PICC line. I am so disappointed. All I can do is watch TV as long as I operate the remote with my right hand... :-)

Came across a note this morning that had no special meaning at the time I received it, in November (I think) 2003, from a person I do not know. Sharon was at a retreat with Cecile and she wrote:
Gerry, I know that you don't know me, but your wife was sharing with me about your dream about the orchid. I feel that the Lord would say to you, that "I know you have been crushed, but I am rising you up out of your pain. I have offered someone a great blessing, an opportunity to carry my flame. This person will refuse to carry my flame and you will take the torch and run with it. Then the enemy will come to convince you that you stole the blessing, that it does not belong to you. Do not believe this lie. I am passing the torch to you because you will say yes to me. Receive my blessing and do not believe the lies. I am your protector and I am telling you this because I don't want you to be crushed again. I am the God who goes before you. I am holding your hand. I am bringing you to a place of healing, then I will raise you up! I love you, my son. You belong to me."
I hardly remember the dream I had, but Cecile says it was about me being in Hawaii, stealing an orchid and ending up in jail. Of course, the note has a new and special meaning to me now...

Just re-reading looktothisday.com and thinking how fortunate I am, living in Alberta, and with Northlands' health care plan. Rodney, mentioned in the above site, has passed away, but there is a wealth of information that is worth reading if you know someone with cancer. While Rodney went through chemo (same 5FU as I'm getting) and radiation, I think there are marked differences. For one, his radiation was only from two sides. I also have the impression my chemo pump will be recharged more than once a week.

Last day I shaved. Growing a beard now so I don't accidentally nick myself and possibly have to go to the emergency when my platelet count drops.

Got a call from the CCI that the PICC line will be inserted on the 28th.
Met with Dr. Stewart and he wants to see me in the week of April 19th to check the results of the treatments, and book the surgery (he thinks first or second week of May). After the surgery, there will be 10 days in the hospital, then six weeks recovery.
He did caution me that I should take all treatment side effects very seriously, especially prolonged constipation which might have to be treated with an interim colostomy. Yikes...
Dr. Stewart was optimistic about the results of the CT scan. I take that as a good sign!
The timeline of events takes me to the end of June, if all goes well. A lot will depend on whether the surgery goes as planned and if nothing else is found.
Significant quote for today, "The great thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving." (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Humongous headache starting late this morning, and feeling very tired...
10PM and I'm catching my second wind. I'm starting to get some weird sleeping patterns. Oh well, I'll listen to my body and let it tell me what I need.
I figured I needed a new logo for www.danen.org, so I made one this evening. Not totally happy with it, but it will do for now. Just something to keep my mind occupied.

A bit more focused today. Even managed to do some support calls. :)
At home, more upheaval. Cecile's nephew got himself in trouble while on vacation in South America. This is causing a great deal of extra stress for both of us (and the rest of the family) that we can well do without...

I found it hard to concentrate later in the afternoon. My mind kept wandering, even in the middle of sentences. Real weird...

Found a really good poem, I Am A Survivor. I hope you like it too. While you're at it, check out all poems and stories on this page...
Received an email today, and the writer talked about the importance of the destination and the journey.
The destination of this segment of the journey (and I see the journey as a life-long one) is the end of the treatments (chemo, radiation, and the operation).
The ultimate destination though, is to be in Heaven with my Father, courtesy of my saviour Jesus Christ. I just hope they have a pipe organ in that Royal garden.
The journey I see as my opportunity to tell others about me and where I am going, my ultimate destiny. As I said in the intro page, I will be sharing my personal beliefs. Stay tuned...
Just had some sad news. Linda (one of Cecile's coworkers) lost her dad this weekend. He was an older gentleman, but apparently he and his 9-year old grandson were close. My condolences to Linda and her son and I wish them strength in the coming days and weeks. A big hug to both of you!

On a totally different subject, but perhaps not that different... Got an email yesterday from Holland, from Theo Zandbergen. As it turns out, he was in the same institution for TB treatment as I was in 1958/59 and although he is a few years older, we remember the same nurses and medical procedures (stomach pumping, bronchoscopy, etc), the aquarium at the main entrance, and so on. Coincidence? Wait, I'm not finished yet. Theo was just now diagnosed with prostate cancer... But I'm not done yet... He lives in Hillegom, close to Keukenhof where I visited last time I was in Holland, and to top it off he works for a bulb exporter. Now that speaks to my gardeners heart. This whole thing sounds like a Hollywood movie, but who knows what God is doing in the background. I think He has something special in mind for Theo or myself, or maybe both of us.

For the first time in a long time, I slept right through the night. Perhaps getting the treatment plan yesterday had something to do with that. I must have slept in a strange position though, because when I moved to get up, I felt my neck was sore and then pain, almost like a knife, in the back of my head. Thirteen hours later, I'm fine.
Good day at the office too... Sent out a message to all users so they know Ed is the acting manager while I'm off. Yet another flood of well wishes and personal stories. I am really appreciative of the Northlands staff for their support. When we have orientation sessions for new staff at Northlands, we mention the camaraderie and Northlands family but that is not fiction or a feel-good message. Northlands really is my second family.
Received a CD with photos from my sister in Holland. Many nice photos. Makes me look forward to their visit even more. Thanks Johan!
I have now decided to officially celebrate my birthdays on June 26th. So I will be 54 on June 26, 2004 (not that I am saying I'm 53 now...).
Had a lovely visit this evening from Chris M., a long time friend. She brought her almost 2-year old son, Brian, full of mischief, but a joy to have around.

Planning session and simulator scheduled for today. The planning session was more a one-on-one version of yesterday's chemo training, except that this also covered the radiation treatments (RT). My first RT session will be on Friday, January 30th with the last one for March 12th. That makes it middle of May before I get operated on.
During the simulator session, I got 4 tattoos to mark the place where the radiation equipment will be aligned. Further markings will be placed on the abdomen before the first RT.
There will actually be 4 beams, one from the front, one from the back, and one from each side. This way they can deliver a lower power, but where they intersect, it will be full strength.
No word yet on when the PICC line will be installed, probably around the 30th, but who knows...
All you people with tattoos, I bet you never got 4 on the same day. I asked Heather to make them nice ones I could show off, but she just smiled... So they're just dots...
The more I find out about medical technology, the more fascinated I am by it. Thinking of how the radiation is delivered through 4 beams makes sense, but coming up with the idea and making it work, and then proving it works, is very impressive.
Quote for today: "You may have cancer, but the cancer does not have you!"
So, praise God, I now have a timeline, what a relief! :-)
Unless I'm called to get the PICC line installed before the 30th, I intend to keep working until the 29th. Or perhaps I'll just take the 29th off to mentally get ready. I'll sleep on that.

Chemo training today. Very informative, more info to absorb... Particularly important is keeping track of side effects on the patient symptom record.
Interesting fellow in the chemo class. He shares my optimistic view on life. His definition of an optimist and a pessimist: "An optimist says there's a light at the end of the tunnel; a pessimist goes and turns it off." I side with the optimists!
Yvonne, the presenter at the class, is a special person who spent extra time with us after the class discussing a variety of issues ranging from driving myself to radiation appointments to loss of hair in unusual places.

Was rather tired today. Fell asleep in the waiting room, while reading my book. The nurse had to wake me up. Duh...
Was reading the CCI material after supper, and I guess I'm going to have to toss my new diet and change back to high protein, high carbohydrate meals to help rebuild what the treatment destroys.

Appointment with my family doctor, Dr. Holmes. He had received the CT (CAT) scan report, which we discussed, and then revisited the sigmoidoscopy report and it became apparent that while there had been talk about 2cm, it was not related to the cancer's size, but to its location.
Dr. Holmes still found my blood pressure too high, and put me on Diovan (80 mg) for the next 3 weeks.
Got a headache this evening. Wonder if that's the Diovan or stress... It's not listed as a side effect so I'll have to keep an eye on it. Perhaps I just need to go and sleep...

Spent a few hours this afternoon in Payroll and HR department at work. Just chatting and making jokes. Very therapeutic...
Found a page with some useful information about what causes colon cancer and how it is treated.

I have just installed a new hard disk yesterday, and will be re-installing the OS and apps on my PC today. I will likely be offline most of today!
19:30 (7:30pm) and I'm back on-line, at least with email and web publishing... I figured it needed to be done, so I best do it before I don't feel like it anymore.
Thanks for your call, Darlene. Great to chat and I hope everything turns out as planned for Harold.
Vincent alerted me to a new program, "compassionate care benefits" that might allow Cecile to take 6 weeks off work. We'll have to check that out! Question is, which 6 weeks to go for...

Thinking... 2AM... A lot of this info is overwhelming. I am finally beginning to get a handle on how invasive this treatment will be and how much support I will need from my family and friends. Yes, I have my faith, but God did not create us in a vacuum...
Thanks, Deanna, for talking to me so long this evening, about Leah's progress. That meant so much to me.
Talked to my sister also, today. She and Hans are planning to come visit in the spring or summer, depending on when treatment happens. Something great to look forward to! :-)

Just letting it all sink in... Great support from Opal and Ed at work. It's wonderful to be able to "dump" on someone other than one's spouse or kids. Even suppliers are jumping in to support me. My view of people and organizations has dramatically changed in the last month.

The emotional bomb went off this morning for Cecile. I am surprised it took this long, but at least that roadblock is out of the way.

How do I feel? Tired, but satisfied that I know more than this morning. I am thankful that there is no indication that the cancer has spread, although the size of the growth and it's extent (Dukes stage B) concern me. I thank God that my liver seems ok, and that there is no evidence of other growths. Seems my prayer of Dec 24th has been answered.

I obviously won't enjoy impotence, but I'd rather be breathing and impotent, than not breathing...

The 30 trips to the CCI concern me a bit. Both Vincent and Cecile will have to take time away from a job where they won't get paid if they don't work. Northlands' management has offered to help accommodate and so have my staff, for which I am very grateful, but that will have an impact on their productive time too. I will see what I can find out from the CCI, if there are services available through their volunteer services.

First appointment at CCI with Dr. John Pederson. What was thought to be a 2cm (< 1") cancer, turns out to be 10cm (4") on the CAT scan. Dr. Pederson said that it might even be larger but that was hard to tell.
Got a few appointments next week, on the 14th an education session to learn about chemo therapy and how to manage side effects. On the 15th we'll do the actual planning session and hopefully have some treatment timelines then. After the planning session, I'll go into the radiation simulator to mark the spots where treatment will happen.
In a nutshell, we're looking at 6 weeks of simultaneous chemo and radiation, then 8 weeks recovery, followed by surgery. During the surgery, the doctors will check around for other signs of cancer in case it has spread. The CAT scan did not show any signs of spreading, and the liver looked ok, but they won't know for sure until they cut. They will probably do some biopsies...
The chemo will be a drug called 5-FU (Fluorouracil) combined with Leucovorin and will be administered 24/7 via a PICC line at the same time as the radiation takes place (Monday through Friday) for 6 weeks. The reason a PICC line is used, is that if just injected into the vein, the vein would deteriorate quickly.
As for the radiation, I will be sterile and almost guaranteed impotent...

Another appointment booked for the 15th (changed to 22nd) with the surgeon, Dr. Stewart. [letter] Palliative care!? What's that all about?
Feeling somewhat anxious about what the news will be tomorrow, but I know where my strength comes from.

Received a letter from the Cross Cancer Institute for the first visit with a doctor to determine treatment. This appointment is scheduled for January 8th at 2:00 PM. The purpose of this meeting is to create the treatment plan, and hopefully the treatment schedule also.
Went to see my family doctor today too, and he spent some quality time with me, explaining what to expect. My blood pressure is still too high to his liking, but he's not going to put me on medication if the CCI is about to start treatments. If there are side effects, he does not want to cloud the issue.
I'm glad we're moving forward...

Still no word from the Cross Cancer Institute about treatments or even a diagnosis of the CAT scan. I'm seeing my family doctor on Monday, so perhaps he can tell me what is happening.
Found a good quote, "Don't tell your God how big the storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is." My motto for today!
A month since the cancer was first suspected by my family doctor...

"Borrowed" the son of a friend to go to the Muttart Conservatory. Admission is free this week, and many people were taking advantage.
More people are sending emails of encouragement and support. Please know that I am saving your emails in a special folder for when I have moments of doubt, despair or self-pity. Your encouragement will keep me going in the coming months.
My back/hip ache is lessening, and the snow is tapering off.

My back and right hip have been bothering me since last night. This afternoon snow started, so I'm almost positive that the pain and the snow are related. Yet the pain is so intense that even my normal OTC painkillers barely take the edge off.
Attended the New Year's eve service at Bethel which was focused on healing. Thank you Corrie, for being part of our small prayer group at the end of the service.
Later we went over to Vincent's and had a nice relaxing evening, watching a movie, then the Edmonton fireworks on a local TV station to bring in the new year. I'm glad Vincent has such a nice sofa, I could just curl up in a corner and was relatively pain-free.

Went shopping for a wide-screen TV. If I'm going to be home a lot the next few months, I may as well occupy my mind and watch DVD's on a 42" rather than a 27" screen. And while I still have the energy to rearrange the living room, sooner is better. A 51" or 53" would be nice, but a bit big. I think I would get dizzy...
Thanks, Deanna, for your call. You have answered many questions that I did not even know to ask. Even the simple fact of taking a family member to all appointments is so common sense, yet I had not thought of it. You also gave me a sense of peace, a knowing that if things got really bad, you'd be there. I know that God is always with me, but He works through people like yourself. Even knowing how the colon is brought out and attached to the skin is comforting.
My back and right hip have been bothering me starting late evening. This would not be cancer that has spread, would it?
Still nothing from CCI...

Been taking it easy today. Went to Salisbury Greenhouses to buy some more paperwhites. Later watched "Roxanne" with Steve Martin.
Ralph stopped by for coffee, very nice, two old farts reminiscing about the (good) old days. but also sharing one's life experiences. Ralph shares my interest in photography, so he had to try the Nikon D100. Photo he took of me is attached.
Not heard from the "Cross" yet...

Quite uncomfortable "down there" where the cancer meets the body's exit point... And my back is aching too, I can explain my back ache with the cold weather. I wonder if cancer reacts to cold weather too, or if that discomfort is more pronounced due to my back's discomfort.
Feeling a bit down today. Cecile is trying to help a friend with a family crisis, and that takes me down a bit too, since I know the family.

Had a nice sleep-in till 10AM. :)
Thinking back on yesterday's thought about hugs, and taking that back to physical contact in general, my parents were not physical at all. Perhaps I'm deprived in that sense, but Cecile can really make my day walking up behind me and giving me a shoulder or scalp massage. Too bad she does not do it often...

My 54th birthday... Of course, there are thoughts like, "will this be my last birthday?" But then I have to backtrack and be thankful for today!
It was very nice to have my sons and their families over and also some very good friends. Hugs of friends and family are the best. Growing up, all this physical contact was not a guy thing, but I testify that some of the best hugs I get are from men. OK, ladies, there's a challenge. Seriously, I take anybody's hug. A hug is so comforting...
One of my visitors today alerted me to vitamin B17. This sounds very promising, but it's illegal in the USA. Vitamin B17 is harvested from apricot seeds, and I wonder how the FDA can outlaw a natural substance like this, unless they're handsomely paid to do so... ???
I am not tired today.

I find I'm more tired than normal. I'm wondering if this is the stress of thinking about what's ahead, or the stress of dealing with daily issues... I found myself going to bed early, wondering if I wanted to be awake for tomorrow, or tired from yesterday's CAT scan...
A growing number of people have been asking for updates, so last night I sent out emails with a link to this page. I am overwhelmed and grateful for the responses. So many encouraging words. One message had a beautiful poem attached, called A Christmas Prayer. Thank you to all who responded!!!

The CT or CAT scan was done this morning. After drinking over 2 liters of contrasting agent that tasted like normal water, I was put on the movable table. Two series of images were taken, one without, and then one with an intravenous contrasting agent that would show up cancer cells in lymph nodes. The intravenous agent went through my body in seconds, making me feel hot from my neck to my tail bone. It's amazing how fast the heart pumps...
Cecile came along to our first visit to the Cross Cancer Institute. This is where I expect my treatments to take place.
It probably won't be until next week before I hear the results of the scan, and whether the cancer has spread.
Now it's waiting for the results. I pray the cancer has not spread anywhere else...
After the scan I went back to work, just in time for the Christmas cheer, hosted by senior management. Again I had my spirit lifted with the support of not just management, but other staff. I take my hat off to the "Northlands family" for their kindness and caring attitude to not just myself but my family too. Hugs and words of encouragement are for real, there is no pretense. Some people don't know what to say, and that's ok too.
Interesting email discussion with a friend in the NWT about beliefs and not beating around the bush. Hmmm, been doing that for too long...
Please pray with me that the cancer is contained to the single growth and has not spread.

Learned that my CT scan is tomorrow, the 24th.
I'm glad this is moving so fast. No time to get depressed...

Saw the surgeon, Dr. Hugh Stewart, and he confirmed that because the cancer is so low in the bowel, I will end up with a colostomy bag. The first thing that will happen is a CAT (or CT) scan to see if the cancer has spread. He's concerned about the lymph nodes. After that, he figures a week of chemo therapy, then 5 weeks of daily radiation sessions, followed by another week of chemo. When my body has sufficiently recovered, the surgery will be done, removing the lower bowel as well as the anal muscle--effectively removing the rectum. I expect the appointment for the CAT scan on the 22nd.
No change in my attitude. So I won't be on a beach with my bag, no big deal. My only concern at the moment is "has the cancer spread?" I won't know that until after the CAT scan.
I am overwhelmed at the support I am getting, from work, friends, and neighbours.

It's time for some drastic diet changes. I need to lower my weight and cholesterol and start reducing items that are bad for cancer, yet increase the "good" stuff.
I'm feeling very positive about these changes. Combined with more exercise, I should be in decent shape for the upcoming treatments.

On December 11th, 2003, I was diagnosed with colon cancer. The doctor who examined me, Dr. Todoruk at the Royal Alex, told me it was very serious, but fixable. The growth is about 2cm big (a bit less than 1 inch) but very low in the bowel. I think the proper term is colorectal cancer. The procedure used was a sigmoidoscopy.
Doing OK mentally. It's a wake-up call to be sure, but with God by my side, it may be a rough ride, but the battle will be won.
Bonus: the problem was found right away, no months of agonizing of what the problem could be.
Bonus: it can be fixed unlike some other diseases.

This has the makings of a roller-coaster ride, so I will be recording my mental state as the days progress.

Received a call today for the appointment with Dr. Dennis Todoruk on the 11th. Dr. Holmes must have been really worried. I did not know the medical system could move this fast.

While checking the prostate during my physical, Dr. Holmes, my family physician, discovered something hard in the bowel. He was very concerned about it and told me he was referring me to an endoscopy specialist. I was also told my cholesterol and blood pressure are high, and my sugar is also a bit on the high side.
X-rays were also taken.
Not sure what to make of it. Is this bad news in the making? Almost 54 years old and about to die? This sounds like a wake-up call...!

This is the month I found out I have cancer. I suspected something was wrong with my digestive system, perhaps IBS, lactose intolerance, or something, but I had not counted on cancer...